after publishing my last entry i remembered a few other items worth commenting on...
- baby monitors: you probably don't need this from day 1. if you know what your sleeping arrangement will eventually be, and it involves using a separate room for baby, then sure - it's fine to purchase one ahead of time. but if you aren't sure what the sleeping arrangement will be, or if you plan to co-sleep or share a room with baby, you're best off waiting.
even having separate rooms, we don't NEED our monitor... it has been found to be most useful during daytime naps in month 3, when we've gotten her to sleep upstairs in her crib (and we are downstairs). it is also useful in month 3 now that we put her to bed a few hours before we go to sleep (sometimes she wakes back up while we're watching a loud movie downstairs so the monitor helps us in those situations). but generally at night, her crying is loud enough to wake us up w/out a monitor and/or she doesn't wake up and thus we don't need one...
our video monitor is fun to have but not a necessity in the slightest. i like it best to spy on her when she's in between sleeping and awake, but could surely get along without the cool infrared nighttime vision if i had to...
- strollers: i like having our stroller, but our baby hated it in the first few months. we ended up wearing her (via sling, moby or bjorn) until only recently. we are finally at a stage where we can take her on long walks in the stroller, but this is a very recent, 3-month milestone. of course every baby is different and some love their strollers the moment they pop out of the womb... so it's totally your call here. just don't feel pressured that you HAVE to get one, because you don't. besides, baby wearing is better anyways (reduces their likelihood of getting a flat head... plus it helps you bond with baby, and strangers are less likely to come touch your child, unsolicited).
- diaper pails: if you have the space, get one. poopy diapers stink! but a good old-fashioned trash can works fine too, if space, money is an issue and you can tolerate poo smells. just be sure to keep a lot of garbage bags on hand... newborns soil a LOT of diapers!
12.28.2009
baby stuff
ahh the holidays! always makes me think of stuff. stuff we want. stuff we don't need. stuff we get as gifts (good or bad). good ol' stuff.
babies need a lot of stuff -- but there is also a lot of stuff they definitely DON'T need... or don't need right away. here's my quick and dirty list of stuff that i found was essential:
1. stuff to get before the birth, for use immediately after bringing baby home:
- newborn sized diapers (that's "N" not "1")
- several boxes of wipes (you go through a lot!)
- a permanent place to change diapers, that you don't have to bend over to get to, and that you don't have to "set up" each time... you will be doing a LOT of diaper changes! we just set up shop on top of a normal dresser by using a diaper changing mattress and a box (for stability), and put all our diapers and goods in the dresser drawers.
- washable changing pad covers (3 is a good number)
- pack (or 2) of cheepo white, generic old cloth diapers (to use as burp cloths...) they are the most absorbent! waaaaay better than the designer burp cloths out there, and much cheaper. we keep a few downstairs, 1 in our bedroom, 2 on the changing table, and the rest in a stack easily accessible to the changing table.
- 6+ pack of white long-sleeved tees and/or onesies that have fold-over hand mits on the end of the sleeves, so baby doesn't scratch their face. loose mits also work but the built-in kind are much better
- variety of onesies, pants and socks that are newborn sized (or 0-3 month for the bigger baby) and appropriate for the season your baby is born... for example, we have a ton of spring-colored, thin, short-sleeved onesies we'll never use because our baby was born in the fall & needs warmer clothes. likewise, we just got a long sleeved christmas onesie as a gift that is too big this year and will be too small by next year!
- 3 swaddling blankets... nothing fancy, just the basic, non-stretchy old blanket (make sure you have your nurse at the hospital show you the right way to swaddle... and remember, the tighter the better! as my baby daddy likes to say "if they start to cry, it's tight enough")
- somewhere for baby to sleep - could be a crib, a bassinet, a bouncy seat, a co-sleeper... whatever you prefer. newborns sleep a lot!
- a permanent place for breastfeeding (you only need this for the first 2 months, until you get your skills down, the baby gets bigger and baby feeds less often... until then, you pretty much camp out here). should consist of:
1. comfortable seat for mom
2. lots of pillows and/or a bobby/my breast friend pillow for baby and arm support
3. small table to place water glasses (drink a lot of fluids!) snacks, magazines, books, mobile internet device & TV remote control
4. (nice to have) a stool, ottoman, or foot rest to relieve leg pressure while nursing
- see my "lochia" post for the stuff mom needs for post-labor healing & recovery
- comfortable clothing for nursing (soft, loose tops with deep v-necks or buttons in front or wraps... think about easy-access to the boobs which doesn't require you to pull it up over your chest and bare your tummy to the world)
- disposable nursing pads for mom at nighttime (and sometimes for daytime in the beginning!) + "lilypadz" (reusable, prevent leakage)
- baby nail clippers or a glass nail file for baby's rapid-grow fingernails
- place to bathe baby (we used the sink + a baby bath seat for the first month or so, and now co-bathe with baby who still sits in the seat) & soap or shampoo that is safe for newborns
- a few style pacifiers (assuming you plan to use them) to try out and see which ones baby likes best
- a few bottles just in case (sometimes pumped breastmilk fed to baby in a bottle allowed mom a much needed feeding break or a chance to get out of the house for an hour or two)
- car seat (you can't take baby home without it!!)
2. stuff to get after baby is born & home / wait to buy
- a sling or wrap to wear the baby... i liked the Moby style wraps for the first 1-3 months at home, but the bjorn for adventures out of the house (though you can't use them for the newest of newborns). the Moby grows with baby, so you can use it in many different ways, but it's a bit of a mess to learn how to get on & off.
- a swing or bouncy seat (if you aren't already using one as the place where baby sleeps) for daytime naps or to set down baby while you do a chore
- a place on the floor for baby to play (we use a quilt)
- activity arch / mat that has toys that hang above baby's head for swatting & grabbing. some of these come attached to a mat, some are stand-alone. either way, you won't really need this until baby is in the 2-3 month range.
- baby toys (you won't need these until baby is at least 1-2 months old, and basic rattles are good-enough for a while)
- high chair (you won't need this until they're sitting up & eating solids - at least 5-6 months after baby is born!)
- all other baby crap (just get as-needed, if needed!)
babies need a lot of stuff -- but there is also a lot of stuff they definitely DON'T need... or don't need right away. here's my quick and dirty list of stuff that i found was essential:
1. stuff to get before the birth, for use immediately after bringing baby home:
- newborn sized diapers (that's "N" not "1")
- several boxes of wipes (you go through a lot!)
- a permanent place to change diapers, that you don't have to bend over to get to, and that you don't have to "set up" each time... you will be doing a LOT of diaper changes! we just set up shop on top of a normal dresser by using a diaper changing mattress and a box (for stability), and put all our diapers and goods in the dresser drawers.
- washable changing pad covers (3 is a good number)
- pack (or 2) of cheepo white, generic old cloth diapers (to use as burp cloths...) they are the most absorbent! waaaaay better than the designer burp cloths out there, and much cheaper. we keep a few downstairs, 1 in our bedroom, 2 on the changing table, and the rest in a stack easily accessible to the changing table.
- 6+ pack of white long-sleeved tees and/or onesies that have fold-over hand mits on the end of the sleeves, so baby doesn't scratch their face. loose mits also work but the built-in kind are much better
- variety of onesies, pants and socks that are newborn sized (or 0-3 month for the bigger baby) and appropriate for the season your baby is born... for example, we have a ton of spring-colored, thin, short-sleeved onesies we'll never use because our baby was born in the fall & needs warmer clothes. likewise, we just got a long sleeved christmas onesie as a gift that is too big this year and will be too small by next year!
- 3 swaddling blankets... nothing fancy, just the basic, non-stretchy old blanket (make sure you have your nurse at the hospital show you the right way to swaddle... and remember, the tighter the better! as my baby daddy likes to say "if they start to cry, it's tight enough")
- somewhere for baby to sleep - could be a crib, a bassinet, a bouncy seat, a co-sleeper... whatever you prefer. newborns sleep a lot!
- a permanent place for breastfeeding (you only need this for the first 2 months, until you get your skills down, the baby gets bigger and baby feeds less often... until then, you pretty much camp out here). should consist of:
1. comfortable seat for mom
2. lots of pillows and/or a bobby/my breast friend pillow for baby and arm support
3. small table to place water glasses (drink a lot of fluids!) snacks, magazines, books, mobile internet device & TV remote control
4. (nice to have) a stool, ottoman, or foot rest to relieve leg pressure while nursing
- see my "lochia" post for the stuff mom needs for post-labor healing & recovery
- comfortable clothing for nursing (soft, loose tops with deep v-necks or buttons in front or wraps... think about easy-access to the boobs which doesn't require you to pull it up over your chest and bare your tummy to the world)
- disposable nursing pads for mom at nighttime (and sometimes for daytime in the beginning!) + "lilypadz" (reusable, prevent leakage)
- baby nail clippers or a glass nail file for baby's rapid-grow fingernails
- place to bathe baby (we used the sink + a baby bath seat for the first month or so, and now co-bathe with baby who still sits in the seat) & soap or shampoo that is safe for newborns
- a few style pacifiers (assuming you plan to use them) to try out and see which ones baby likes best
- a few bottles just in case (sometimes pumped breastmilk fed to baby in a bottle allowed mom a much needed feeding break or a chance to get out of the house for an hour or two)
- car seat (you can't take baby home without it!!)
2. stuff to get after baby is born & home / wait to buy
- a sling or wrap to wear the baby... i liked the Moby style wraps for the first 1-3 months at home, but the bjorn for adventures out of the house (though you can't use them for the newest of newborns). the Moby grows with baby, so you can use it in many different ways, but it's a bit of a mess to learn how to get on & off.
- a swing or bouncy seat (if you aren't already using one as the place where baby sleeps) for daytime naps or to set down baby while you do a chore
- a place on the floor for baby to play (we use a quilt)
- activity arch / mat that has toys that hang above baby's head for swatting & grabbing. some of these come attached to a mat, some are stand-alone. either way, you won't really need this until baby is in the 2-3 month range.
- baby toys (you won't need these until baby is at least 1-2 months old, and basic rattles are good-enough for a while)
- high chair (you won't need this until they're sitting up & eating solids - at least 5-6 months after baby is born!)
- all other baby crap (just get as-needed, if needed!)
12.03.2009
babies the movie
i know 6 people due to have a baby between mid-april and mid-may. seems fitting that this movie is going to come out at the same time. it looks adorable! not to mention fascinating.
12.01.2009
lochia & the post-birth healing
this post is going to be long, FYI. but the topic warrants it - heck, i named my blog after this topic!
the reason for writing so much is because i felt like no one ever talked about the post-birth life (it was sort of mentioned in some books, but either i didn't read those passages or it wasn't described well). therefore, i wasn't really prepared for what happens to ME, the mother, after i delivered... i don't see why that has to be the case. i don't want other women to feel like the wool was pulled over their eyes.
i mean, i expected the sleepless nights, the diaper changes, the baby crying, the breastfeeding discomfort. i figured i'd bleed and be sore for a while, but what i didn't know was how MUCH you bleed. how TIRED you are. how simple things like walking and sitting become nearly impossible for a little while.
i figured after i had one good meal, then i'd be fine... i'd sleep on my newly empty belly and enjoy my non-swollen feet... ha. feet were still swollen for weeks. not even the tummy sleep felt good because of my engorged boobs! what a racket.
post-partum is an exhausting, messy, long, and totally 100% un-sexy period of your life. you need to be ready to give yourself the rest and time needed, to heal. and you really need a baby daddy who can help in any way possible, to remind you that no matter how gross, tired, and raw you might feel - you are still amazing and beautiful and strong. heck, you just had a BABY.
the vaginal birthing process is really messy & organic... the hospitals do an astounding job of keeping it all amazingly clean, but there is no two ways about it - at some point, you are fully exposed. there are a lot (a LOT) of liquids. you sweat. shiver. puke. poo.
... and that little baby spilling from your loins is inevitably going to be covered in oodles of goo and blood. it ushers a geyser of bloody fluids out of your body with it. and THEN there is the afterbirth (placenta delivery)... maybe some stitches (if you need them)... labor is not all tidy, like they make it out to be in the movies.
and then, just when you think you finally make it through, you realize you need to heal from this mess - and that takes WEEKS.
so while you're pregnant, please please please enjoy the months of period-less living. enjoy the freedom of not worrying or carrying or tending to your monthly friend...
once that kid pops out, buh-bye.
you will immediately endure 4+ weeks of non-stop bleeding. this goes for vaginal or c-section deliveries. the medical world calls this "lochia" and, believe me, it's no joke. your body is shedding your pregnancy and shrinking your uterus back down to it's original size.
the first week is heavy bleeding - not gushing, but pretty damn close. you'll be changing yourself as frequently as you change your baby. you will get a little water bottle ("peri" bottle - short for "perineum") from the hospital to hose yourself down each time you sit at the toilet, and it will become your best friend.
sitting on the porcelain god is going to suck. you will become an expert in figuring out how to not drip all over the place while you try to clean up and change your pad. i suggest you keep your peri bottle, pads and a change of undies ready & within arms reach... in fact - make sure the pads & undies are waiting for you by the toilet BEFORE YOU GO TO THE HOSPITAL TO GIVE BIRTH. you'll need them the moment you get home, and you don't want to be scrambling around to find them in a frenzy when you also have a baby screaming in the background.
i didn't do that - and couldn't remember for the life of me where i'd put the box of pads i'd bought a week earlier. everything was so easy & accessible & clean at the hospital - it was really scary being home and suddenly feeling disorganized & unclean... to be worried about staining my bathmat... i had a total panic - stupid emotions i could have easily avoided with a tiny amount of preparation.
also, if you're anything like me, you haven't touched a pad since you were like 12 years old. returning to a world of pads was extremely unappealing, heck frightening! but no tampons are allowed (for good reason), and i will say, i was amazed at how far pad technology has developed since my preteens. if you haven't a clue what to buy because you're a 100% tampon user, i highly recommend the always infinity pads. they're magic.
i also purchased some cheapo granny undies for my post-birth life, and it was a wise, wise investment. forget the thongs. since you'll essentially be in diapers for the first month, you need big, fat, cotton-y, comfy loose panties that have plenty of room for the giganto pad you need to stick in it. plan to just throw them out when you're done. then you won't feel guilty worrying about ruining any cute little pairs of undies you may have from your pre-pregnant life.
besides all the bleeding - there are other things going on with your body worth noting.
for example, you will have a few days where walking is more of an uncomfortable waddle. it's a different waddle from the 9-month pregnant waddle... kind of how you feel after a 100 mile bike ride! it will be a few weeks before the idea of a long walk or a run is palatable. take it easy and don't rush this because if you try to do too much too soon, your bleeding will get noticeably heavier. even seemingly-mundane activities like trying to do some laundry or clean during that first week will wear you out and might increase your bleeding. rest rest rest.
and you may or may not be hungry after birth. some women have no appetite. but some (like me) were ravenous. it might be related to how long you labored (19 hours without eating is enough to make anyone ravenous!) - i honestly have no idea. go ahead and have some snacks ready at home for your return from the hospital just in case. i needed several emergency snacks those first weeks (apples, crackers, etc) because of my breastfeeding.
and water water water - you should drink a ton, so get out that big old nalgene and keep it full! (actually, task baby daddy with the job of refilling it... you should be resting). you need a ton of water, especially if you are breast-feeding. and it's not uncommon for women to get constipated, so the water will help relieve that too...
be patient with your abs. i'm still amazed at how non-existent they were after, and 10 weeks later i'm still trying to get them back!
i'll talk about boob issues when i get into a blog post on breastfeeding...
but if all the physical changes aren't enough - your brain will also be experiencing highs and lows as it comes off the hormones and you'll likely be an emotional time bomb. the tears will come out of nowhere, about the dumbest things. honestly, i got very sick of feeling so icky for weeks on end. some days, i wondered if i'd be like this forever...
but i promise that the lochia eventually gets lighter and stops. the walking eventually gets easier, the stitches eventually heal. you finally get to throw out the granny panties and put on your thong again...
i think the only advice i can really give is to just be prepared to be one big, hot mess for a while... and embrace it!
don't even bother trying to look sexy for your man during post-partum life. heck, you just pushed his child out of your vagina. you get a free card to look like ass for at least 2 months (and you should remind him of this every day if you need to).
i am truly amazed that so many women have experienced & survived birth, labor, and post-partum... my respect for the mothers of the world has multiplied exponentially since going through this myself. and knowing they all made it through and look great and feel great gave me hope every day...
if they can all do it, why can't we?
the reason for writing so much is because i felt like no one ever talked about the post-birth life (it was sort of mentioned in some books, but either i didn't read those passages or it wasn't described well). therefore, i wasn't really prepared for what happens to ME, the mother, after i delivered... i don't see why that has to be the case. i don't want other women to feel like the wool was pulled over their eyes.
i mean, i expected the sleepless nights, the diaper changes, the baby crying, the breastfeeding discomfort. i figured i'd bleed and be sore for a while, but what i didn't know was how MUCH you bleed. how TIRED you are. how simple things like walking and sitting become nearly impossible for a little while.
i figured after i had one good meal, then i'd be fine... i'd sleep on my newly empty belly and enjoy my non-swollen feet... ha. feet were still swollen for weeks. not even the tummy sleep felt good because of my engorged boobs! what a racket.
post-partum is an exhausting, messy, long, and totally 100% un-sexy period of your life. you need to be ready to give yourself the rest and time needed, to heal. and you really need a baby daddy who can help in any way possible, to remind you that no matter how gross, tired, and raw you might feel - you are still amazing and beautiful and strong. heck, you just had a BABY.
the vaginal birthing process is really messy & organic... the hospitals do an astounding job of keeping it all amazingly clean, but there is no two ways about it - at some point, you are fully exposed. there are a lot (a LOT) of liquids. you sweat. shiver. puke. poo.
... and that little baby spilling from your loins is inevitably going to be covered in oodles of goo and blood. it ushers a geyser of bloody fluids out of your body with it. and THEN there is the afterbirth (placenta delivery)... maybe some stitches (if you need them)... labor is not all tidy, like they make it out to be in the movies.
and then, just when you think you finally make it through, you realize you need to heal from this mess - and that takes WEEKS.
so while you're pregnant, please please please enjoy the months of period-less living. enjoy the freedom of not worrying or carrying or tending to your monthly friend...
once that kid pops out, buh-bye.
you will immediately endure 4+ weeks of non-stop bleeding. this goes for vaginal or c-section deliveries. the medical world calls this "lochia" and, believe me, it's no joke. your body is shedding your pregnancy and shrinking your uterus back down to it's original size.
the first week is heavy bleeding - not gushing, but pretty damn close. you'll be changing yourself as frequently as you change your baby. you will get a little water bottle ("peri" bottle - short for "perineum") from the hospital to hose yourself down each time you sit at the toilet, and it will become your best friend.
sitting on the porcelain god is going to suck. you will become an expert in figuring out how to not drip all over the place while you try to clean up and change your pad. i suggest you keep your peri bottle, pads and a change of undies ready & within arms reach... in fact - make sure the pads & undies are waiting for you by the toilet BEFORE YOU GO TO THE HOSPITAL TO GIVE BIRTH. you'll need them the moment you get home, and you don't want to be scrambling around to find them in a frenzy when you also have a baby screaming in the background.
i didn't do that - and couldn't remember for the life of me where i'd put the box of pads i'd bought a week earlier. everything was so easy & accessible & clean at the hospital - it was really scary being home and suddenly feeling disorganized & unclean... to be worried about staining my bathmat... i had a total panic - stupid emotions i could have easily avoided with a tiny amount of preparation.
also, if you're anything like me, you haven't touched a pad since you were like 12 years old. returning to a world of pads was extremely unappealing, heck frightening! but no tampons are allowed (for good reason), and i will say, i was amazed at how far pad technology has developed since my preteens. if you haven't a clue what to buy because you're a 100% tampon user, i highly recommend the always infinity pads. they're magic.
i also purchased some cheapo granny undies for my post-birth life, and it was a wise, wise investment. forget the thongs. since you'll essentially be in diapers for the first month, you need big, fat, cotton-y, comfy loose panties that have plenty of room for the giganto pad you need to stick in it. plan to just throw them out when you're done. then you won't feel guilty worrying about ruining any cute little pairs of undies you may have from your pre-pregnant life.
besides all the bleeding - there are other things going on with your body worth noting.
for example, you will have a few days where walking is more of an uncomfortable waddle. it's a different waddle from the 9-month pregnant waddle... kind of how you feel after a 100 mile bike ride! it will be a few weeks before the idea of a long walk or a run is palatable. take it easy and don't rush this because if you try to do too much too soon, your bleeding will get noticeably heavier. even seemingly-mundane activities like trying to do some laundry or clean during that first week will wear you out and might increase your bleeding. rest rest rest.
and you may or may not be hungry after birth. some women have no appetite. but some (like me) were ravenous. it might be related to how long you labored (19 hours without eating is enough to make anyone ravenous!) - i honestly have no idea. go ahead and have some snacks ready at home for your return from the hospital just in case. i needed several emergency snacks those first weeks (apples, crackers, etc) because of my breastfeeding.
and water water water - you should drink a ton, so get out that big old nalgene and keep it full! (actually, task baby daddy with the job of refilling it... you should be resting). you need a ton of water, especially if you are breast-feeding. and it's not uncommon for women to get constipated, so the water will help relieve that too...
be patient with your abs. i'm still amazed at how non-existent they were after, and 10 weeks later i'm still trying to get them back!
i'll talk about boob issues when i get into a blog post on breastfeeding...
but if all the physical changes aren't enough - your brain will also be experiencing highs and lows as it comes off the hormones and you'll likely be an emotional time bomb. the tears will come out of nowhere, about the dumbest things. honestly, i got very sick of feeling so icky for weeks on end. some days, i wondered if i'd be like this forever...
but i promise that the lochia eventually gets lighter and stops. the walking eventually gets easier, the stitches eventually heal. you finally get to throw out the granny panties and put on your thong again...
i think the only advice i can really give is to just be prepared to be one big, hot mess for a while... and embrace it!
don't even bother trying to look sexy for your man during post-partum life. heck, you just pushed his child out of your vagina. you get a free card to look like ass for at least 2 months (and you should remind him of this every day if you need to).
i am truly amazed that so many women have experienced & survived birth, labor, and post-partum... my respect for the mothers of the world has multiplied exponentially since going through this myself. and knowing they all made it through and look great and feel great gave me hope every day...
if they can all do it, why can't we?
11.22.2009
cycles
as december 17th creeps closer & closer, it has dawned on me that it will be a full year since i last had my period... such a simple, yet often overlooked, perk of this whole pregnancy/baby thing!
i found it particularly humorous at my 6-week post-partum checkup that, when asked for the start date of my last period, i had to state the year for clarity sake (2008).
granted, the 4+ weeks after labor are like one glorified menstrual period - so i suppose this isn't such a great milestone afterall... oh. that reminds me that i need to explain the title of this blog. next post.
i found it particularly humorous at my 6-week post-partum checkup that, when asked for the start date of my last period, i had to state the year for clarity sake (2008).
granted, the 4+ weeks after labor are like one glorified menstrual period - so i suppose this isn't such a great milestone afterall... oh. that reminds me that i need to explain the title of this blog. next post.
11.19.2009
for your entertainment
starting mid-pregnancy i became (and continue to be) a huge fan of all video/entertainment about birth and labor. for example:
tv shows:
- 16 and pregnant
- i didn't know i was pregnant
- a baby story
- birth day
movies:
- knocked up
- away we go
websites:
- babycenter.com's labor videos
some of these gems just made me feel inifitely better about my own situation. like "16 and pregnant" - those dads are all a bunch of a**holes and if reminded me why i love my baby daddy so much.
some of them provided me with pure aw and disbelief. like "i didn't know i was pregnant"... i simply cannot comprehend these stories.
some of them just felt relatable, like the movies... i highly recommend "away we go" if you haven't seen it. the acting is so honest!
and some were merely educational. the labor videos helped my husband and i get over the shock of how organic and messy labor is... and the two shows "a baby story" and "birth day" show a wide variety of very real albeit different birthing experiences (without showing you the actual "details" of the birth, if you know what i mean...).
it is particularly interesting to watch "a baby story" and "birth day" after the fact, now that i've been there. i have a whole new perspective and understanding of these womens' experiences. it's also a little nostalgic for me.
you see, it turns out that "having a baby" is way less about the MOMENT when the baby pops out, and much much much more about the whole process getting there... and i don't mean the 9 months of making the baby (although that process is clearly important). i am specifically talking about the process of birthing it. labor can be long, it can be slow, and it can be exhausting. but these 2 tv shows are pretty damn truthful with their depiction about what the "laboring" process might be like for you, too.
oh - there is also a show about the first 48 hours after the baby comes home, too. i haven't watched it yet but will try to soon, and let you know if it hits the nail on the head or not.
tv shows:
- 16 and pregnant
- i didn't know i was pregnant
- a baby story
- birth day
movies:
- knocked up
- away we go
websites:
- babycenter.com's labor videos
some of these gems just made me feel inifitely better about my own situation. like "16 and pregnant" - those dads are all a bunch of a**holes and if reminded me why i love my baby daddy so much.
some of them provided me with pure aw and disbelief. like "i didn't know i was pregnant"... i simply cannot comprehend these stories.
some of them just felt relatable, like the movies... i highly recommend "away we go" if you haven't seen it. the acting is so honest!
and some were merely educational. the labor videos helped my husband and i get over the shock of how organic and messy labor is... and the two shows "a baby story" and "birth day" show a wide variety of very real albeit different birthing experiences (without showing you the actual "details" of the birth, if you know what i mean...).
it is particularly interesting to watch "a baby story" and "birth day" after the fact, now that i've been there. i have a whole new perspective and understanding of these womens' experiences. it's also a little nostalgic for me.
you see, it turns out that "having a baby" is way less about the MOMENT when the baby pops out, and much much much more about the whole process getting there... and i don't mean the 9 months of making the baby (although that process is clearly important). i am specifically talking about the process of birthing it. labor can be long, it can be slow, and it can be exhausting. but these 2 tv shows are pretty damn truthful with their depiction about what the "laboring" process might be like for you, too.
oh - there is also a show about the first 48 hours after the baby comes home, too. i haven't watched it yet but will try to soon, and let you know if it hits the nail on the head or not.
11.08.2009
after birth: parent/baby groups
so... this topic is for those of you approaching your due dates.
at the urging of several friends, my baby daddy and i are participating in two support groups for new parents that are offered in the seattle area. they're designed for new parents (with children 0-3 months), but usually the places who offer these classes have others that extend to older ages, too.
our groups meet once a week. one is a free, drop-in class offered by our hospital. it has a moderator that runs the class, but usually starts out with a guest speaker. we've had talks about infant eye care, diapering options, games & songs to play with infants, etc.
then, during the second half of the class, we go around the room. each person has the opportunity to introduce themselves, and talk about the highs and the lows of their week with baby.
they can also ask the group questions - anything you want, that has to do with you & your new baby... and the room chimes in with ideas, comments, etc. to hopefully help you out (or reassure you that everything is OK).
the other one is a couples group, that meets at night. it has a similar format, but is a smaller group designed for people in our neighborhood, and it's a fixed attendance (not a drop in). it's a little more expensive, but it's much more intimate.
honestly, yes, some days it seems silly to sit around listening to everyone else talk about sleep patterns, milk supply, or whatever other random thing is bothering them... but, for the weeks when you're the one with a concern, it's REALLY nice to have a room of people listening to you & willing to help out.
it's also a good excuse to get out of the house. it can be hard figuring out how to function away from the comfort of home, when you have a new infant... these classes are a great way to "practice". they usually don't care if you're late, if you're a mess, if you're in your pajamas. etc.
they also don't care if your baby cries during class, needs a diaper change, needs to be fed, etc. ... therefore it's good practice, too, for how to do those things in public (without the glaring eye of strangers). it's safe.
i encourage all new parents to look into finding similar classes in their cities before their baby is born. they're great for a few key reasons:
A) so you know you aren't alone.
B) to help you realize that all the things you think are weird, scary or bad with your new baby are really actually very normal. it's highly likely that others are experiencing the same things.
C) sometimes you learn some random tidbits that make a huge difference in your sanity as a new parent (especially during the earliest weeks... weeks 1-4 are the most chaotic).
D) you get to be around other adults for a few hours.
bring your baby daddy too, if you can (many of them tend to focus on new mothers, but the mothers like having a male perspective in the room!).
in seattle, we are participating in PEPS and evergreen's parent/baby "snugglers" class. there is also a similar class offered in the city, at the birth & beyond store in Madison Valley.
in san francisco, natural resources offers a similar class.
in boston, isis maternity also has these types of classes.
i'm sure there are many other options around the country... a google search can probably help you find some! or, ask friends you know (who have kids already).
have fun!
at the urging of several friends, my baby daddy and i are participating in two support groups for new parents that are offered in the seattle area. they're designed for new parents (with children 0-3 months), but usually the places who offer these classes have others that extend to older ages, too.
our groups meet once a week. one is a free, drop-in class offered by our hospital. it has a moderator that runs the class, but usually starts out with a guest speaker. we've had talks about infant eye care, diapering options, games & songs to play with infants, etc.
then, during the second half of the class, we go around the room. each person has the opportunity to introduce themselves, and talk about the highs and the lows of their week with baby.
they can also ask the group questions - anything you want, that has to do with you & your new baby... and the room chimes in with ideas, comments, etc. to hopefully help you out (or reassure you that everything is OK).
the other one is a couples group, that meets at night. it has a similar format, but is a smaller group designed for people in our neighborhood, and it's a fixed attendance (not a drop in). it's a little more expensive, but it's much more intimate.
honestly, yes, some days it seems silly to sit around listening to everyone else talk about sleep patterns, milk supply, or whatever other random thing is bothering them... but, for the weeks when you're the one with a concern, it's REALLY nice to have a room of people listening to you & willing to help out.
it's also a good excuse to get out of the house. it can be hard figuring out how to function away from the comfort of home, when you have a new infant... these classes are a great way to "practice". they usually don't care if you're late, if you're a mess, if you're in your pajamas. etc.
they also don't care if your baby cries during class, needs a diaper change, needs to be fed, etc. ... therefore it's good practice, too, for how to do those things in public (without the glaring eye of strangers). it's safe.
i encourage all new parents to look into finding similar classes in their cities before their baby is born. they're great for a few key reasons:
A) so you know you aren't alone.
B) to help you realize that all the things you think are weird, scary or bad with your new baby are really actually very normal. it's highly likely that others are experiencing the same things.
C) sometimes you learn some random tidbits that make a huge difference in your sanity as a new parent (especially during the earliest weeks... weeks 1-4 are the most chaotic).
D) you get to be around other adults for a few hours.
bring your baby daddy too, if you can (many of them tend to focus on new mothers, but the mothers like having a male perspective in the room!).
in seattle, we are participating in PEPS and evergreen's parent/baby "snugglers" class. there is also a similar class offered in the city, at the birth & beyond store in Madison Valley.
in san francisco, natural resources offers a similar class.
in boston, isis maternity also has these types of classes.
i'm sure there are many other options around the country... a google search can probably help you find some! or, ask friends you know (who have kids already).
have fun!
11.07.2009
pillows
i started my love affair with pillows while i was pregnant.
it began around week 16 or so, when sleeping started to ever-so-slightly feel a bit uncomfortable. we were staying in temporary housing at the time, and therefore had very few pillows (ok, 2 exactly).
i felt like i needed another pillow to help prop up my leg (because of some cramping that was beginning to happen frequently in the night). so i sent my baby daddy off to bed bath & beyond to purchase another pillow...
he kindly bought me a giant body-length pillow, which i admittedly felt was overkill... and maybe, at week 16, it was.
but BOY was i wrong about that body pillow, come the third trimester!
that pillow was used to initially prop up cramping legs. but soon, it was also used to wedge around my expanding belly. at some point i had a phase where i wrapped it down my back, through my legs and then used another pillow to hug my front... then i flipped that a few weeks later. in fact, the mutations of pillow usage from week 16 through 40 were numerous and varied.
the body pillow became such a staple in our bed that even my baby daddy started to snuggle up to (and hog it) from time to time.
taking a cue from "the girlfriend's guide to pregnancy" (where the author jokes about her body pillow becoming her new boyfriend), we might have even named ours... frank. or fred. or ralph...
ahh sweet little body pillow! and all it's little backup dancer normal-sized pillows that eventually accompanied it... sweet sweet pillows... what a fine performance you put on during the third trimester.
it's amazing how much better a little sack of fluff can make you feel!
(or two) (or three)
and it doesn't end after labor... i still use all my extra pillows frequently. sometimes for breastfeeding comfort. sometimes, to prop me up (or my baby daddy) in a slightly-reclined 45-degree angle sleeping position so that we can get an extra hour of snooze-time at 5am while our burpy, grunting, refusing-to-go-back-to-sleep-if-we-put-her-on-her-back infant lay on our chests... sometimes, just to decorate my bed on the rare days when i actually make it.
at any rate, i love a lot of pillows now. i never would have made it through pregnancy without, at minimum, the body pillow + at least 2 others.
if you find your own home lacking in pillow abundance, it might be wise to go stock up on some extras!
it began around week 16 or so, when sleeping started to ever-so-slightly feel a bit uncomfortable. we were staying in temporary housing at the time, and therefore had very few pillows (ok, 2 exactly).
i felt like i needed another pillow to help prop up my leg (because of some cramping that was beginning to happen frequently in the night). so i sent my baby daddy off to bed bath & beyond to purchase another pillow...
he kindly bought me a giant body-length pillow, which i admittedly felt was overkill... and maybe, at week 16, it was.
but BOY was i wrong about that body pillow, come the third trimester!
that pillow was used to initially prop up cramping legs. but soon, it was also used to wedge around my expanding belly. at some point i had a phase where i wrapped it down my back, through my legs and then used another pillow to hug my front... then i flipped that a few weeks later. in fact, the mutations of pillow usage from week 16 through 40 were numerous and varied.
the body pillow became such a staple in our bed that even my baby daddy started to snuggle up to (and hog it) from time to time.
taking a cue from "the girlfriend's guide to pregnancy" (where the author jokes about her body pillow becoming her new boyfriend), we might have even named ours... frank. or fred. or ralph...
ahh sweet little body pillow! and all it's little backup dancer normal-sized pillows that eventually accompanied it... sweet sweet pillows... what a fine performance you put on during the third trimester.
it's amazing how much better a little sack of fluff can make you feel!
(or two) (or three)
and it doesn't end after labor... i still use all my extra pillows frequently. sometimes for breastfeeding comfort. sometimes, to prop me up (or my baby daddy) in a slightly-reclined 45-degree angle sleeping position so that we can get an extra hour of snooze-time at 5am while our burpy, grunting, refusing-to-go-back-to-sleep-if-we-put-her-on-her-back infant lay on our chests... sometimes, just to decorate my bed on the rare days when i actually make it.
at any rate, i love a lot of pillows now. i never would have made it through pregnancy without, at minimum, the body pillow + at least 2 others.
if you find your own home lacking in pillow abundance, it might be wise to go stock up on some extras!
10.29.2009
the glucose test & other pricks & pokes
prenatal care is not for the faint of heart. if you don't like getting blood drawn - i suggest that you don't get pregnant.
for the first several months, you will likely endure MANY tests that all involve your blood... vials will be extracted from your body at a rapid rate.
(of course, this depends on your doctor and your level of prenatal care, too...)
thankfully our bodies start making 20% more blood (or something like that - don't quote me) in order to support the child growing inside... though, i wondered in the first several months of tests if my doctor removed all the extra blood i was working so hard to create!
i usually don't mind getting my blood drawn too much, but the sheer frequency is really what i hated most of all.
assuming things progress smoothly, it should all come to a head at around 28 weeks when they do the glucose test (the most fun of all). this is to test whether you have gestational diabetes. you have to drink a container of gross liquid an hour before your appointment and then you aren't allowed to eat anything until the blood is drawn.
the liquid is gross. i drank mine ice cold and chugged it in a meeting while at work... if you don't pass the test, you have to do it again! but the second time you will have to wait for a longer interval of time than 1 hour between drinking the liquid and getting your blood drawn... i'm so glad i passed my test! telling a pregnant woman not to eat for more than 1 hour is just cruel.
another annoying poke that you might get is a rhogam shot - though you only need this if you are RH negative (which i was). it's a big old needle, right in the ass. you'll get it twice - around 28 weeks, and again right after birth.
>> here is information about being RH negative
aside from all the prenatal tests, there is a decent probability you'll need to get more needles stuck in your body during labor. not everyone is lucky enough to have a fast, painless, natural child birth.
sadly, i've heard more stories about the opposite experiences than i have about the quick & fast... now that i think it through, i'd estimate that 75% of my pregnant friends have ended up having emergency c-sections after 18+ hours of labor (only my dear sweet sister-in-law was blessed with the quick, fast & painless). i don't have a lot of friends who've had kids (i can definitely count them on 2 hands), and 5 of them have had emergency c-sections.
c-sections require an epidural because they use it as the primary anesthetic during the surgery (at a much higher dose than they give you for pain management).
i had an epidural anyways (for pain) despite my fear of being physically attached to my bed for my labor.
an epidural = more pokes & prods...
- IV in your arm
- needle in your spine
- urinary catheter in your hoohaw
honestly though, those things were insignificant in the heat of the moment.
and at the end of the day... being a lab rat for 9 months was DEFINITELY worth the little child that i have in my life now!
for the first several months, you will likely endure MANY tests that all involve your blood... vials will be extracted from your body at a rapid rate.
(of course, this depends on your doctor and your level of prenatal care, too...)
thankfully our bodies start making 20% more blood (or something like that - don't quote me) in order to support the child growing inside... though, i wondered in the first several months of tests if my doctor removed all the extra blood i was working so hard to create!
i usually don't mind getting my blood drawn too much, but the sheer frequency is really what i hated most of all.
assuming things progress smoothly, it should all come to a head at around 28 weeks when they do the glucose test (the most fun of all). this is to test whether you have gestational diabetes. you have to drink a container of gross liquid an hour before your appointment and then you aren't allowed to eat anything until the blood is drawn.
the liquid is gross. i drank mine ice cold and chugged it in a meeting while at work... if you don't pass the test, you have to do it again! but the second time you will have to wait for a longer interval of time than 1 hour between drinking the liquid and getting your blood drawn... i'm so glad i passed my test! telling a pregnant woman not to eat for more than 1 hour is just cruel.
another annoying poke that you might get is a rhogam shot - though you only need this if you are RH negative (which i was). it's a big old needle, right in the ass. you'll get it twice - around 28 weeks, and again right after birth.
>> here is information about being RH negative
aside from all the prenatal tests, there is a decent probability you'll need to get more needles stuck in your body during labor. not everyone is lucky enough to have a fast, painless, natural child birth.
sadly, i've heard more stories about the opposite experiences than i have about the quick & fast... now that i think it through, i'd estimate that 75% of my pregnant friends have ended up having emergency c-sections after 18+ hours of labor (only my dear sweet sister-in-law was blessed with the quick, fast & painless). i don't have a lot of friends who've had kids (i can definitely count them on 2 hands), and 5 of them have had emergency c-sections.
c-sections require an epidural because they use it as the primary anesthetic during the surgery (at a much higher dose than they give you for pain management).
i had an epidural anyways (for pain) despite my fear of being physically attached to my bed for my labor.
an epidural = more pokes & prods...
- IV in your arm
- needle in your spine
- urinary catheter in your hoohaw
honestly though, those things were insignificant in the heat of the moment.
and at the end of the day... being a lab rat for 9 months was DEFINITELY worth the little child that i have in my life now!
sorry for the lapse
my apologies for the lack of posts lately.
apparently a new parent has significantly less time to themselves when there are no relatives visiting to help you care for your newborn!
i know, that should be obvious...
but i honestly, thought i'd be able to do the same amount of activities while my child napped regardless of whether my mom was in town to visit or not. turns out that is definitely not the case. i've been lucky to clean the kitchen, do laundry, and read my emails these past 2 weeks, let alone write in my blogs!
actually, my child coincidentally decided to take less naps in the daytime around the time my mom went back home. i learned that around 3 weeks old, babies often have a little growth spurt... this means:
- more frequent feedings (mine ate nearly every hour!)
- more fussiness
- worse sleep
all this adds up to: no time for mom to blog.
now we're at 5 weeks and life has stabilized... we've had a few awesome sleep nights (2x 7 hour stretches, several 5-6 hour stretches, and the norm is to get at least a 4 hour stretch, which is WAY better than the 1-2 hour stretches in the beginning).
its amazing how good it feels to sleep for 4 hours straight after you endure the first 3 weeks of life, when babies wake up all the time. a typical night went like this in the beginning:
9pm: bedtime
10pm: wake up, change diaper, feed
11pm: done with above, mom goes back to bed
12pm: wake up, feed
1am: done with above, mom goes back to bed
2am: wake up, change diaper, feed
3am: done with above, mom goes back to bed
4am: wake up, feed
5am: done with above, mom goes back to bed
6am: wake up, change diaper, feed
7am: done with above, mom goes back to bed
8am: wake up... mom decides she's had enough so she stumbles downstairs to make a strong pot of coffee, turns on the morning shows & breastfeeds
but now it's like this:
10pm: bedtime
3am: wake up, change diaper, feed
4am: done with above, mom goes back to bed
5:30am: wake up, change diaper, feed
6:30am: done with above, mom goes back to bed
8am: wake up... mom stumbles downstairs to make a strong pot of coffee, turns on the morning shows & breastfeed
ahh bliss!
but, i hear word on the streets that babies have ANOTHER growth spurt around 6 weeks... so, i'm not looking forward to the next 1-2weeks.
if i disappear again, this is why.
apparently a new parent has significantly less time to themselves when there are no relatives visiting to help you care for your newborn!
i know, that should be obvious...
but i honestly, thought i'd be able to do the same amount of activities while my child napped regardless of whether my mom was in town to visit or not. turns out that is definitely not the case. i've been lucky to clean the kitchen, do laundry, and read my emails these past 2 weeks, let alone write in my blogs!
actually, my child coincidentally decided to take less naps in the daytime around the time my mom went back home. i learned that around 3 weeks old, babies often have a little growth spurt... this means:
- more frequent feedings (mine ate nearly every hour!)
- more fussiness
- worse sleep
all this adds up to: no time for mom to blog.
now we're at 5 weeks and life has stabilized... we've had a few awesome sleep nights (2x 7 hour stretches, several 5-6 hour stretches, and the norm is to get at least a 4 hour stretch, which is WAY better than the 1-2 hour stretches in the beginning).
its amazing how good it feels to sleep for 4 hours straight after you endure the first 3 weeks of life, when babies wake up all the time. a typical night went like this in the beginning:
9pm: bedtime
10pm: wake up, change diaper, feed
11pm: done with above, mom goes back to bed
12pm: wake up, feed
1am: done with above, mom goes back to bed
2am: wake up, change diaper, feed
3am: done with above, mom goes back to bed
4am: wake up, feed
5am: done with above, mom goes back to bed
6am: wake up, change diaper, feed
7am: done with above, mom goes back to bed
8am: wake up... mom decides she's had enough so she stumbles downstairs to make a strong pot of coffee, turns on the morning shows & breastfeeds
but now it's like this:
10pm: bedtime
3am: wake up, change diaper, feed
4am: done with above, mom goes back to bed
5:30am: wake up, change diaper, feed
6:30am: done with above, mom goes back to bed
8am: wake up... mom stumbles downstairs to make a strong pot of coffee, turns on the morning shows & breastfeed
ahh bliss!
but, i hear word on the streets that babies have ANOTHER growth spurt around 6 weeks... so, i'm not looking forward to the next 1-2weeks.
if i disappear again, this is why.
10.12.2009
easy pee-sy
being pregnant means ushering in a new era of bathroom intimacy... never in your life will you pee as much as you do both during and after your child is born.
in the beginning - you will start waking up in the middle of the night to pee at least once. this will feel surprising because the baby isn't big enough to put pressure on your bladder yet... you can thank all the new hormones rushing through your system, instead.
ah hormones... delivering such amazing sensations as morning sickness and frequent urination... thank you!
in the middle of your pregnancy, the pee flow at night slows down somewhat, but it's the calm before the storm. instead, you'll generally just find yourself feeling like the bladder is insanely full after you spend time walking around (gravity takes hold of the baby inside you and causes it to bear down on your unsuspecting bladder...). thankfully, you should find relief when you're not up and about.
then, in the weeks before the end, your pee frequency (day and night) will start ramping up...
the once-a-night pees will multiply. once, twice, three times... maybe more!
in the daytime, you may as well never go further than 100 feet from a bathroom.
your bladder is going to feel like the size of a pea. moving around or not -- the baby is simply growing. there isn't room inside your abdomen for both a full-term child and a normal-sized bladder, so your bladder takes the hit. it gets sandwiched between baby and pelvic bone.
sometimes, on a really fun day, the baby will headbutt your pelvic bone and cause you to wince in pain AND pee your pants at the same time. yay.
did you ever hear about pregnancy causing incontinence? well - it does. thankfully it's TEMPORARY, so don't get too disheartened (1 week after birth i regained proper bladder control)... but i'm telling you this so you won't be alarmed if you wet your pants unexpectedly during the daytime now and then.
the good news is that your pea-sized bladder can't hold much liquid, so its not enough to drench through your clothing and become obvious to your co-workers. phew!
i wish i'd logged how many times i urinated during the last 48 hours before birth... i would venture to guess it was upwards of 30 times a day. truly amazing.
finally - during the labor experience, i recall vaguely having to pee every hour in the beginning 12 hours (but maybe i was just wishfully thinking i'd pass my mucus plug or my water would break while i sat on the toilet)... i'm not sure i actually had to GO.
and after i'd checked into the hospital and received my epidural, they put in a urinary catheter. so, goodness knows what was going on from that point forward...
(btw, for the record - i was really freaked about the idea of a urinary catheter. it was one of several reasons i wanted to avoid using meds if i could. but, it turns out that once you're drugged up with an epidural you just don't give a shit anymore! and, you don't feel a thing when they do it).
i'd love to hear about a non-epidural, non-catheter birth experience to see if it matches mine in the post-labor pee department. i basically had a few days afterwards where bladder control was NON-EXISTENT, then slowly it was 50/50, and about a week later i was functioning normal again. but was this due to the catheter? or was this standard procedure? i have no idea.
my guess is that the lack of bladder control was really due to the sheer fact that you pee BUCKETS after birth for a few days, as your body starts expelling all the fluids you built up... yes, you literally pee away your swollen feet and hands. the volume of liquid was so surprisingly grand, i can only imagine that my little bladder just tripped out! i mean really - it went for months as a wimpy little pea-sized sac, and now suddenly it has to hold gallons? it simply couldn't cut it.
but - at least you're wearing monster-sized pads at that point in time due to the other fluids also exiting your body for the weeks following birth... apparently the pads are not just for the lochia, but also for the bladder issues. who knew?
well - that's that! baby crying... gtg.
in the beginning - you will start waking up in the middle of the night to pee at least once. this will feel surprising because the baby isn't big enough to put pressure on your bladder yet... you can thank all the new hormones rushing through your system, instead.
ah hormones... delivering such amazing sensations as morning sickness and frequent urination... thank you!
in the middle of your pregnancy, the pee flow at night slows down somewhat, but it's the calm before the storm. instead, you'll generally just find yourself feeling like the bladder is insanely full after you spend time walking around (gravity takes hold of the baby inside you and causes it to bear down on your unsuspecting bladder...). thankfully, you should find relief when you're not up and about.
then, in the weeks before the end, your pee frequency (day and night) will start ramping up...
the once-a-night pees will multiply. once, twice, three times... maybe more!
in the daytime, you may as well never go further than 100 feet from a bathroom.
your bladder is going to feel like the size of a pea. moving around or not -- the baby is simply growing. there isn't room inside your abdomen for both a full-term child and a normal-sized bladder, so your bladder takes the hit. it gets sandwiched between baby and pelvic bone.
sometimes, on a really fun day, the baby will headbutt your pelvic bone and cause you to wince in pain AND pee your pants at the same time. yay.
did you ever hear about pregnancy causing incontinence? well - it does. thankfully it's TEMPORARY, so don't get too disheartened (1 week after birth i regained proper bladder control)... but i'm telling you this so you won't be alarmed if you wet your pants unexpectedly during the daytime now and then.
the good news is that your pea-sized bladder can't hold much liquid, so its not enough to drench through your clothing and become obvious to your co-workers. phew!
i wish i'd logged how many times i urinated during the last 48 hours before birth... i would venture to guess it was upwards of 30 times a day. truly amazing.
finally - during the labor experience, i recall vaguely having to pee every hour in the beginning 12 hours (but maybe i was just wishfully thinking i'd pass my mucus plug or my water would break while i sat on the toilet)... i'm not sure i actually had to GO.
and after i'd checked into the hospital and received my epidural, they put in a urinary catheter. so, goodness knows what was going on from that point forward...
(btw, for the record - i was really freaked about the idea of a urinary catheter. it was one of several reasons i wanted to avoid using meds if i could. but, it turns out that once you're drugged up with an epidural you just don't give a shit anymore! and, you don't feel a thing when they do it).
i'd love to hear about a non-epidural, non-catheter birth experience to see if it matches mine in the post-labor pee department. i basically had a few days afterwards where bladder control was NON-EXISTENT, then slowly it was 50/50, and about a week later i was functioning normal again. but was this due to the catheter? or was this standard procedure? i have no idea.
my guess is that the lack of bladder control was really due to the sheer fact that you pee BUCKETS after birth for a few days, as your body starts expelling all the fluids you built up... yes, you literally pee away your swollen feet and hands. the volume of liquid was so surprisingly grand, i can only imagine that my little bladder just tripped out! i mean really - it went for months as a wimpy little pea-sized sac, and now suddenly it has to hold gallons? it simply couldn't cut it.
but - at least you're wearing monster-sized pads at that point in time due to the other fluids also exiting your body for the weeks following birth... apparently the pads are not just for the lochia, but also for the bladder issues. who knew?
well - that's that! baby crying... gtg.
10.04.2009
maternity clothing
prepare to spend a little money on maternity clothes.
you'll need 3 basic phases of clothing:
1. the early days (~4-5 mos) aka size "small"
you might be OK getting by with your largest non-maternity shirts, your old jeans buttoned with an elastic hairband and only half-zipped, a bella band to hold up those same jeans if the hairband isn't sufficient, and some loose sweaters.
or, you can buy some clothes for the next phase and wear them loose for a few weeks, if you want to... at this point in time, i was fitting perfectly into the small sizes in maternity stores (for shirts). a couple basic tops went a long way here because i could layer them under non-maternity tops for variety in looks without baring skin.
in this period of time, you will start to appreciate that maternity shirts are longer than normal shirts... there will come a day where you put on a non-maternity top and realize you look like white trash with your belly half-showing at the bottom end... though cute to do at home, its not very appropriate in public.
target has the cheapest maternity clothes - their basic t-shirts and tank tops are the best (~$10 each). they often sell a good, loose pajama-y cotton pant with a big old stretchy band around the waist which are uber-comfy, too. i bought a staple pair in all black pretty early on in my pregancy - and they pretty much saved me at the end when all my clothes (including my maternity jeans) stopped feeling comfortable to wear for more than an hour at a time.
in fact, 2 weeks after birth and i'm still wearing them nearly every other day!
but target also has some terribly ugly clothing too... the kind of clothing you'd imagine some middle-aged midwestern mom in mom-jeans would purchase. so dig through the cruft to get to the good stuff, then go to the gap to get a few trendier items. the gap maternity section is pretty nice (and cheap if you stick to the sale racks).
2. the middle days (~6-8 mos) aka size "medium"
your old pants will stop fitting you outright in this phase -- the butt gets too tight, the thighs get too tight, and forget about zipping them or buttoning them at all... if you are lucky enough to get them up that high, there won't be room around the belly to get them closed, and a hair band won't do a lick of good either.
i invested a decent chunk of change into 2 pairs of designer maternity jeans at pea in a pod, and they were money VERY well spent - i needed nice pants to wear to work. jeans are versatile, so these saved me for a good 3+ months... and the designer jeans were great because they have a stylish fit that makes you feel sexy still, but a big old elastic band that pulls up around your belly to keep everything tucked in and held up. i recommend getting at least one pair of nice jeans if you can.
if not - there are plenty of cheaper pants you can get at target and at the gap with the elastic waistbands (critical from month 7 onward), in a variety of styles. these waistbands become important because one day you will find that any kind of pressure cutting into your lower abdomen while you sit down during the daytime is extremely uncomfortable and painful. it will illicit visions of your clothing slicing into your unborn child's head and causing warpage to their otherwise perfect face (don't worry - it DOESN'T do this... but you will irrationally think it does). it also adds unnecessary pressure to your already compressed, pea-sized bladder. trust me, your bladder doesn't need extra compression.
the bands also offer some support, which feels nice as you get used to the growing mass on your front side. you'll have a heightened sense of growth in these months as your skin really starts to stretch like it has never stretched before.
amen for elastic.
3. the end (month 9 - birth) aka size "large" or "house"
thankfully, all the maternity pants i bought pretty consistently fit me during my pregnancy up to the (almost) end. if you buy a good set of staples, hopefully you will be covered the whole 9 months as well... just be prepared for the pressure to build up near the end as i mentioned, so have at least 1 pair or more with a looser fit around that area, to tide you over in the final days.
as for tops... that's a different story!
during my pregnancy, i bought a mix of black & white tanks, tees, long & short sleeves, in small, medium and large sizes. the large shirts looked HUGE when i bought them and i couldn't imagine i'd ever fit inside something so big. i tucked them away in my closet and nearly forgot i had them. then one day - lo and behold, they fit perfect. the smalls were laughable at this point in time... the mediums could work in a pinch, with the right pants or sweater.
your belly will get very very big at the end. you don't need the large tops for long, but you WILL need a few. i recommend at least one sweater, too - or steal from your baby daddy's stash (if they are larger than you). you will want to feel covered up and cozy during most of this month because you'll be larger than you've ever been in your life and it's a strange sensation - one i'm not sure we ever get used to.
thankfully, it's fleeting - one month, and then you're back to the middle-sized phase after birth.
... other staples
i was lucky enough to be pregnant during the summer so i never had to buy new shoes. i wore heels, flip flops & sneakers up through month 7, then exclusively flip flops through the end (the heels stopped fitting, and i couldn't reach my feet to tie the sneakers without the help of my baby daddy!).
if your feet swell a lot & you're pregnant during the winter - i'm sorry! i hope you can find something cheap that will tide you over. i was astounded when my flip flops got too tight.
sweaters that open in the front and tie around the waist are great - you can wear them the full term because they're cute when they fit right and cute when they have a belly peeking out of them. if you find one you like, get it.
same goes for coats - try to find one with a belt or a tie so you can use it long after you're too big to zip or snap it up.
flowy dresses with an empire waist are cute and sexy until about month 8 when you realize your ass is much too big & they make you look like a house. these are nice-to-have garments, just for variety or the occasional party you need to attend.
you'll need 3 basic phases of clothing:
1. the early days (~4-5 mos) aka size "small"
you might be OK getting by with your largest non-maternity shirts, your old jeans buttoned with an elastic hairband and only half-zipped, a bella band to hold up those same jeans if the hairband isn't sufficient, and some loose sweaters.
or, you can buy some clothes for the next phase and wear them loose for a few weeks, if you want to... at this point in time, i was fitting perfectly into the small sizes in maternity stores (for shirts). a couple basic tops went a long way here because i could layer them under non-maternity tops for variety in looks without baring skin.
in this period of time, you will start to appreciate that maternity shirts are longer than normal shirts... there will come a day where you put on a non-maternity top and realize you look like white trash with your belly half-showing at the bottom end... though cute to do at home, its not very appropriate in public.
target has the cheapest maternity clothes - their basic t-shirts and tank tops are the best (~$10 each). they often sell a good, loose pajama-y cotton pant with a big old stretchy band around the waist which are uber-comfy, too. i bought a staple pair in all black pretty early on in my pregancy - and they pretty much saved me at the end when all my clothes (including my maternity jeans) stopped feeling comfortable to wear for more than an hour at a time.
in fact, 2 weeks after birth and i'm still wearing them nearly every other day!
but target also has some terribly ugly clothing too... the kind of clothing you'd imagine some middle-aged midwestern mom in mom-jeans would purchase. so dig through the cruft to get to the good stuff, then go to the gap to get a few trendier items. the gap maternity section is pretty nice (and cheap if you stick to the sale racks).
2. the middle days (~6-8 mos) aka size "medium"
your old pants will stop fitting you outright in this phase -- the butt gets too tight, the thighs get too tight, and forget about zipping them or buttoning them at all... if you are lucky enough to get them up that high, there won't be room around the belly to get them closed, and a hair band won't do a lick of good either.
i invested a decent chunk of change into 2 pairs of designer maternity jeans at pea in a pod, and they were money VERY well spent - i needed nice pants to wear to work. jeans are versatile, so these saved me for a good 3+ months... and the designer jeans were great because they have a stylish fit that makes you feel sexy still, but a big old elastic band that pulls up around your belly to keep everything tucked in and held up. i recommend getting at least one pair of nice jeans if you can.
if not - there are plenty of cheaper pants you can get at target and at the gap with the elastic waistbands (critical from month 7 onward), in a variety of styles. these waistbands become important because one day you will find that any kind of pressure cutting into your lower abdomen while you sit down during the daytime is extremely uncomfortable and painful. it will illicit visions of your clothing slicing into your unborn child's head and causing warpage to their otherwise perfect face (don't worry - it DOESN'T do this... but you will irrationally think it does). it also adds unnecessary pressure to your already compressed, pea-sized bladder. trust me, your bladder doesn't need extra compression.
the bands also offer some support, which feels nice as you get used to the growing mass on your front side. you'll have a heightened sense of growth in these months as your skin really starts to stretch like it has never stretched before.
amen for elastic.
3. the end (month 9 - birth) aka size "large" or "house"
thankfully, all the maternity pants i bought pretty consistently fit me during my pregnancy up to the (almost) end. if you buy a good set of staples, hopefully you will be covered the whole 9 months as well... just be prepared for the pressure to build up near the end as i mentioned, so have at least 1 pair or more with a looser fit around that area, to tide you over in the final days.
as for tops... that's a different story!
during my pregnancy, i bought a mix of black & white tanks, tees, long & short sleeves, in small, medium and large sizes. the large shirts looked HUGE when i bought them and i couldn't imagine i'd ever fit inside something so big. i tucked them away in my closet and nearly forgot i had them. then one day - lo and behold, they fit perfect. the smalls were laughable at this point in time... the mediums could work in a pinch, with the right pants or sweater.
your belly will get very very big at the end. you don't need the large tops for long, but you WILL need a few. i recommend at least one sweater, too - or steal from your baby daddy's stash (if they are larger than you). you will want to feel covered up and cozy during most of this month because you'll be larger than you've ever been in your life and it's a strange sensation - one i'm not sure we ever get used to.
thankfully, it's fleeting - one month, and then you're back to the middle-sized phase after birth.
... other staples
i was lucky enough to be pregnant during the summer so i never had to buy new shoes. i wore heels, flip flops & sneakers up through month 7, then exclusively flip flops through the end (the heels stopped fitting, and i couldn't reach my feet to tie the sneakers without the help of my baby daddy!).
if your feet swell a lot & you're pregnant during the winter - i'm sorry! i hope you can find something cheap that will tide you over. i was astounded when my flip flops got too tight.
sweaters that open in the front and tie around the waist are great - you can wear them the full term because they're cute when they fit right and cute when they have a belly peeking out of them. if you find one you like, get it.
same goes for coats - try to find one with a belt or a tie so you can use it long after you're too big to zip or snap it up.
flowy dresses with an empire waist are cute and sexy until about month 8 when you realize your ass is much too big & they make you look like a house. these are nice-to-have garments, just for variety or the occasional party you need to attend.
10.01.2009
boobies! part 2.
PART 2: Nursing Boobs (days 0-5)
i waited to buy my nursing bras until after my milk came in. i'm extremely glad that i waited, even though it made for a slight panic during my first day home from the hospital.
i had NO idea what would occur with my breasts - and never in a million years dreamed i'd be trying on D-cup bras...
but lo and behold! engorgement happens. this perpetually flat-chested vixen can vouch.
i'll talk loads about breastfeeding in future posts... sticking strictly to the topic on nursing boobs, here are some observations:
1. you should start getting slight leakage during the end of your pregnancy - this is the first sign the ladies are working, when they spill out a strange, clear liquid called colostrum. thankfully it's not enough to soak through a normal bra (so your co-workers should never notice...) but when you're home in your pajamas, don't be alarmed to find a small puddle spring up from time to time.
2. the first day or two (or three) after birth, your ladies will still only be making colostrum - which apparently works wonders for clearing out your baby's digestive tract, hence the reason we don't make milk the moment the first contraction hits.
given this - the boobs don't change much right away, and the unfortunate thing is that the magical elixer (colostrum) comes in small quantities. so, your baby drops ounces off its birth weight despite being physically attached to you for what seems like 2 days straight. sucking sucking sucking - and it doesn't necessarily feel good.
our nurse called this the marathon feed -- and claimed it's like your baby placing an order with the boobs for how much milk to make. meanwhile, the baby's mechanism for "ordering" its future milk supply wrecks havoc on your nipples... so you might want ask the hospital or your lactation consultant for a free sample of modified lanolin to lube them up afterwards. or, just rub colostrum all over them & air dry (it's truly magical! heals them right up before your next feeding).
breast milk has the same magical healing properties - i was even told to put some on my baby's face if she scratched herself with her nails. she did, so i did - and the next day, there was not a trace of her injury anywhere on her beautiful cheeks. awesome!
3. as the milk starts to arrive, you might start feeling achy or feverish. take some tylenol or advil from time to time so you don't feel crappy and can instead enjoy being a new mom.
4. the engorged breast feels hard to the touch, and you may notice lumpy areas that come and go - massage them during a feeding and it helps the milk flow out (and it just feels good).
5. the nipples may also be really sensitive. clothing might become a big issue - not just to find something that's easy to breastfeed in (turns out nothing i own is!) but to also find some fabric that feels good on sensitive tits... scope out stores that sell breastfeeding tops, bras and pajamas before you give birth so you know who to come rushing to in a panic when you get home and the milk shows up to the party & you have nothing to wear...
6. buy yourself at least one shirt that opens easily in the front (via ties or buttons) for that first day home. or just be prepared to walk around without a top on (you will lose all sense of modesty at this time anyways).
7. nursing bras are really weird and come in all sorts of styles - some clip at the top, some snap at the bottom, some have stretchy fabric that pulls apart to reveal a place to slide your booby out. i never would have know what to buy before i gave birth - possibly because i didn't even "get" the bras & how they worked.
yet somehow afterwards, i instantly "got it". and again, i'm really glad i waited to buy them (even though it meant a shameful, bra-less walk to my maternity store where i entered in a panic demanding that they bra me up and tame the wild beasts). everyone is different, and everyone's boobs behave differently. i never would have picked out the right size beforehand.
8. boobs leak. a lot. like, when you're using one to feed, the other one gets jealous and starts dripping all over you. or, when you get out of the shower, they might both start dripping away despite your beast efforts to towel them off. i slept with a washcloth for 2 nights just to soak up the leaky breastmilk until i was able to get to the store to buy absorbent pads (wow, what a difference they make!).
9. buy a breastfeeding book to have at home. you don't need to crack it open until the kid comes out - but you will definitely want it in a panic at least once afterwards, when it feels like everything you're doing is wrong.
i waited to buy my nursing bras until after my milk came in. i'm extremely glad that i waited, even though it made for a slight panic during my first day home from the hospital.
i had NO idea what would occur with my breasts - and never in a million years dreamed i'd be trying on D-cup bras...
but lo and behold! engorgement happens. this perpetually flat-chested vixen can vouch.
i'll talk loads about breastfeeding in future posts... sticking strictly to the topic on nursing boobs, here are some observations:
1. you should start getting slight leakage during the end of your pregnancy - this is the first sign the ladies are working, when they spill out a strange, clear liquid called colostrum. thankfully it's not enough to soak through a normal bra (so your co-workers should never notice...) but when you're home in your pajamas, don't be alarmed to find a small puddle spring up from time to time.
2. the first day or two (or three) after birth, your ladies will still only be making colostrum - which apparently works wonders for clearing out your baby's digestive tract, hence the reason we don't make milk the moment the first contraction hits.
given this - the boobs don't change much right away, and the unfortunate thing is that the magical elixer (colostrum) comes in small quantities. so, your baby drops ounces off its birth weight despite being physically attached to you for what seems like 2 days straight. sucking sucking sucking - and it doesn't necessarily feel good.
our nurse called this the marathon feed -- and claimed it's like your baby placing an order with the boobs for how much milk to make. meanwhile, the baby's mechanism for "ordering" its future milk supply wrecks havoc on your nipples... so you might want ask the hospital or your lactation consultant for a free sample of modified lanolin to lube them up afterwards. or, just rub colostrum all over them & air dry (it's truly magical! heals them right up before your next feeding).
breast milk has the same magical healing properties - i was even told to put some on my baby's face if she scratched herself with her nails. she did, so i did - and the next day, there was not a trace of her injury anywhere on her beautiful cheeks. awesome!
3. as the milk starts to arrive, you might start feeling achy or feverish. take some tylenol or advil from time to time so you don't feel crappy and can instead enjoy being a new mom.
4. the engorged breast feels hard to the touch, and you may notice lumpy areas that come and go - massage them during a feeding and it helps the milk flow out (and it just feels good).
5. the nipples may also be really sensitive. clothing might become a big issue - not just to find something that's easy to breastfeed in (turns out nothing i own is!) but to also find some fabric that feels good on sensitive tits... scope out stores that sell breastfeeding tops, bras and pajamas before you give birth so you know who to come rushing to in a panic when you get home and the milk shows up to the party & you have nothing to wear...
6. buy yourself at least one shirt that opens easily in the front (via ties or buttons) for that first day home. or just be prepared to walk around without a top on (you will lose all sense of modesty at this time anyways).
7. nursing bras are really weird and come in all sorts of styles - some clip at the top, some snap at the bottom, some have stretchy fabric that pulls apart to reveal a place to slide your booby out. i never would have know what to buy before i gave birth - possibly because i didn't even "get" the bras & how they worked.
yet somehow afterwards, i instantly "got it". and again, i'm really glad i waited to buy them (even though it meant a shameful, bra-less walk to my maternity store where i entered in a panic demanding that they bra me up and tame the wild beasts). everyone is different, and everyone's boobs behave differently. i never would have picked out the right size beforehand.
8. boobs leak. a lot. like, when you're using one to feed, the other one gets jealous and starts dripping all over you. or, when you get out of the shower, they might both start dripping away despite your beast efforts to towel them off. i slept with a washcloth for 2 nights just to soak up the leaky breastmilk until i was able to get to the store to buy absorbent pads (wow, what a difference they make!).
9. buy a breastfeeding book to have at home. you don't need to crack it open until the kid comes out - but you will definitely want it in a panic at least once afterwards, when it feels like everything you're doing is wrong.
9.28.2009
boobies! part 1.
there are lots of changes that happen with our hooters during these 9 months - and due to my recent labor, the most significant changes are in the process of happening to me RIGHT NOW... may as give it to you real-time!
PART 1: Pregnancy Boobs
all the books i read said that your boobs might start growing bigger as early as your first few weeks of being pregnant. in fact, some women i've talked to said that it was their boob growth that "gave it away" long before their bellies popped out.
but, being a small A-cup all my life, i cautiously looked forward to seeing such changes... i was pretty convinced my boobs just genetically didn't know HOW to grow.
in my early months, my nipples got really sore - very tender & red. they often hurt quite a lot after a long day of work being stuffed in a bra. but aside from just feeling swollen, the boobs themselves were the same old size. all the pain, none of the gain. great. why don't the books talk about the woes of the small-chested?
i bought a new B-cup bra around 12 weeks or so namely to give my nipples extra breathing room so they wouldn't sting. i felt a little silly wearing it since the rest of the bra was so damn saggy. it helped, a little. i'm not sure what another solution could have been to help the pain - i'm not exactly an expert on boob care.
so that's how it was... many months went by and nothing happened... tick tock tick tock... no boobs, just sore nipples. what a racket.
right when i'd about given up, sometime around month 6, i started to notice that i was busting out of my old A-cup bras. the B's were still loose, but... hmm... interesting progress.
it probably took the full 9 months, but i eventually made it to a cup-runneth-over B. hooray for cleavage! but the unfortunate thing was that you couldn't tell because of the relative proportion of boobs-to-belly.
sigh.
i think the most humorous thing about the experience was that during months 8 and 9, if i bent over while not wearing a shirt, my boobs actually bumped into my belly. that's a weird feeling for someone who has never had either boobs or a belly for bumping!
well... i have no point to this story except: don't get too excited about boob growth while pregnant, if you are flat chested too. in my experience it was a huge disappointment overall.
PART 1: Pregnancy Boobs
all the books i read said that your boobs might start growing bigger as early as your first few weeks of being pregnant. in fact, some women i've talked to said that it was their boob growth that "gave it away" long before their bellies popped out.
but, being a small A-cup all my life, i cautiously looked forward to seeing such changes... i was pretty convinced my boobs just genetically didn't know HOW to grow.
in my early months, my nipples got really sore - very tender & red. they often hurt quite a lot after a long day of work being stuffed in a bra. but aside from just feeling swollen, the boobs themselves were the same old size. all the pain, none of the gain. great. why don't the books talk about the woes of the small-chested?
i bought a new B-cup bra around 12 weeks or so namely to give my nipples extra breathing room so they wouldn't sting. i felt a little silly wearing it since the rest of the bra was so damn saggy. it helped, a little. i'm not sure what another solution could have been to help the pain - i'm not exactly an expert on boob care.
so that's how it was... many months went by and nothing happened... tick tock tick tock... no boobs, just sore nipples. what a racket.
right when i'd about given up, sometime around month 6, i started to notice that i was busting out of my old A-cup bras. the B's were still loose, but... hmm... interesting progress.
it probably took the full 9 months, but i eventually made it to a cup-runneth-over B. hooray for cleavage! but the unfortunate thing was that you couldn't tell because of the relative proportion of boobs-to-belly.
sigh.
i think the most humorous thing about the experience was that during months 8 and 9, if i bent over while not wearing a shirt, my boobs actually bumped into my belly. that's a weird feeling for someone who has never had either boobs or a belly for bumping!
well... i have no point to this story except: don't get too excited about boob growth while pregnant, if you are flat chested too. in my experience it was a huge disappointment overall.
it's a girl!
hello again!
sorry for the radio silence... in the exciting world of pregnancy, i hit that magical mark called my due date - and out popped a child! right on schedule. i love this kid already. :)
contractions started: ~11:30pm on 9/21/09
(while i was watching obama on letterman)
time & date of birth: 7:21pm on 9/22/09
hours in labor: 19. ugh.
... i promise i'll blog all about the labor experience soon - plenty to share on that topic! stay tuned!
sorry for the radio silence... in the exciting world of pregnancy, i hit that magical mark called my due date - and out popped a child! right on schedule. i love this kid already. :)
contractions started: ~11:30pm on 9/21/09
(while i was watching obama on letterman)
time & date of birth: 7:21pm on 9/22/09
hours in labor: 19. ugh.
... i promise i'll blog all about the labor experience soon - plenty to share on that topic! stay tuned!
9.20.2009
coffee
on the topic of consuming questionable things - EVERY source i've read (except those written by neurotic pregnancy-purists) agrees:
1 cup of coffee a day is ok!
hooray!
and i have multiple sources to confirm this with - my mom (who had me, and i'm awesome, so clearly the coffee didn't have adverse effects) and my anonymous friend, mother of 3 adorable, smart and funny children who made herself lattes and ate pastries every day during all 3 pregnancies.
so drink up.
1 cup of coffee a day is ok!
hooray!
and i have multiple sources to confirm this with - my mom (who had me, and i'm awesome, so clearly the coffee didn't have adverse effects) and my anonymous friend, mother of 3 adorable, smart and funny children who made herself lattes and ate pastries every day during all 3 pregnancies.
so drink up.
meds
needing to take medications for any reason during your pregnancy (especially in the early months when you're paranoid about brain and organ development) can be a little nerve-wracking.
i generally tried to avoid them all - but at the end of the day was unsuccessful mainly due to my being pregnant in the springtime, and my horrible seasonal allergies.
growing up i never really had allergy issues (though come to think of it i felt like i a had a never-ending cold, which was probably the first signs of my allergies to pollens and mold).
once i moved to boston for college, and was exposed to new types of plants, i was hit pretty hard my junior year and quickly became a benedryl junkie.
before i left MIT, i eventually had a running prescription of allegra -- my favorite allergy medicine to date. it always works quickly & never makes me sleepy or groggy.
moving to seattle this year was a pretty similar situation -- actually, it was worse because it hit me immediately, not 3 years later. seattle in the spring is GORGEOUS -- bright colorful flowers growing everywhere. green grass. awesome trees. simply magnificent.
but it also means it has tons of pollen, pollen, pollen. by the end of my first week, i was a pregnant, allergic, miserable MESS.
even my husband was hit by the allergy truck when he showed up a few weeks later - and he generally never has allergy issues.
i tried to hold off on taking medications in my childbearing state, but it was simply unbearable. thankfully, there is a lot of literature online about what medications are OK to take during pregnancy and what are not... i honestly can't recall what sources i ended up using... a mix from the babycenter website, my books, etc.
the long and short was that i determined claritin would be OK to take but i should probably avoid my near-&-dear allegra. i don't know if it's bad, there simply wasn't ANY information about it, whereas several sources said claritin was fine.
so i took one pill a day for about 3 weeks. i tried not to exceed this amount, and would skip days whenever possible. and my baby seems to have grown normally -- no extra limbs or other abnormalities.
i guess time will tell on whether i killed its braincells in the process or not... but, i think it will be fine. i'm no pregnancy purist, afterall. i'm pretty adament about keeping the mom healthy and happy -- if you do that, the baby will be healthy too.
and sometimes, to be healthy and happy, mom needs a little help!
so when in doubt -- just call your doctor. they'll happily advise you on whether that pill you might need is safe to use (or not). and don't feel guilty if you end up taking it. those women who act all perfect and never touch an ounce of anything that's not locally grown and organic are just neurotic...
... and they're going to end up with neurotic, germ-a-phobic kids that our children will beat up on the playground!
i generally tried to avoid them all - but at the end of the day was unsuccessful mainly due to my being pregnant in the springtime, and my horrible seasonal allergies.
growing up i never really had allergy issues (though come to think of it i felt like i a had a never-ending cold, which was probably the first signs of my allergies to pollens and mold).
once i moved to boston for college, and was exposed to new types of plants, i was hit pretty hard my junior year and quickly became a benedryl junkie.
before i left MIT, i eventually had a running prescription of allegra -- my favorite allergy medicine to date. it always works quickly & never makes me sleepy or groggy.
moving to seattle this year was a pretty similar situation -- actually, it was worse because it hit me immediately, not 3 years later. seattle in the spring is GORGEOUS -- bright colorful flowers growing everywhere. green grass. awesome trees. simply magnificent.
but it also means it has tons of pollen, pollen, pollen. by the end of my first week, i was a pregnant, allergic, miserable MESS.
even my husband was hit by the allergy truck when he showed up a few weeks later - and he generally never has allergy issues.
i tried to hold off on taking medications in my childbearing state, but it was simply unbearable. thankfully, there is a lot of literature online about what medications are OK to take during pregnancy and what are not... i honestly can't recall what sources i ended up using... a mix from the babycenter website, my books, etc.
the long and short was that i determined claritin would be OK to take but i should probably avoid my near-&-dear allegra. i don't know if it's bad, there simply wasn't ANY information about it, whereas several sources said claritin was fine.
so i took one pill a day for about 3 weeks. i tried not to exceed this amount, and would skip days whenever possible. and my baby seems to have grown normally -- no extra limbs or other abnormalities.
i guess time will tell on whether i killed its braincells in the process or not... but, i think it will be fine. i'm no pregnancy purist, afterall. i'm pretty adament about keeping the mom healthy and happy -- if you do that, the baby will be healthy too.
and sometimes, to be healthy and happy, mom needs a little help!
so when in doubt -- just call your doctor. they'll happily advise you on whether that pill you might need is safe to use (or not). and don't feel guilty if you end up taking it. those women who act all perfect and never touch an ounce of anything that's not locally grown and organic are just neurotic...
... and they're going to end up with neurotic, germ-a-phobic kids that our children will beat up on the playground!
9.17.2009
that fun little thing called "morning sickness"
or, rather, just plain nausea.
the feeling sick thing can start early and go on for the whole pregnancy... if you're one of those really unlucky women.
i think the typical range is to start feeling crappy around 6 weeks or so, and then stop around 13 weeks or so. my window of nausea was about as stereotypical as they come, in terms of length. it was almost magical how much better i felt at the end of week 13.
the whole "morning" sickness part is a bunch of B.S., though - it could really last you day and night. essentially your body is pumping in a whole slew of new hormones and, like mixing OTC medications... or drinking beer before liquor... it can make for a pretty rocky ride.
but i learned one thing (and one thing only) helps you feel better: food.
yep, that's right. eat your way through. don't bother with the ginger pellets or pregnancy "sickness" teas or any of that other homeopathic crap. it's just another way to get you to spend too much money -- feeding on your insecurities and uncertainties as a first time mom.
THEY DON'T WORK!
you'd be better off spending your money on a nice box of graham crackers.
unfortunately, the window of morning sickness will coincide with the same window of time in the pregnancy where food in GENERAL just tastes weird/off/gross/different/abnormal.
things you once loved may make you want to vomit. things you never liked before might be the only refuge in the sea of sickness. and the smell of something may not match with how it tastes (such as coffee in my case - i made my husband go into starbucks to buy my lattes because i couldn't walk a foot in the door... but damn those lattes tasted awesome!).
you may need to spend a little money figuring out what you can eat consistently -- and by that, i mean what you will want to buy multiple boxes of in order to have them laying all around you for the inevitable emergency (your house, your car, your office, each bag you might carry, your baby daddy's messenger bags, etc.).
things that i enjoyed that stash well:
- graham crackers
- granola bars (quaker's simple harvest all-natural are particularly good)
- yobaby yogurt (made with organic whole milk)
- string cheese
- raisins (the little boxes are great to keep in your purses)
- belly bars (i really liked the berry nutty ones)
- apples (any fruit really, but apples travel best)
- baked potatoes
ok i didn't carry baked potatoes around in my bags or at my office - but i kept them at the house for emergency dinners. often my husband would make an amazingly delicious meal that i couldn't touch with a ten food pole because the smell was too strong and the flavors too flavorful. these were the lowest points of the nausea period, because i missed out on some spectacular meals. but damn those potatoes tasted GOOD!
and obviously everyone is different... my friend's mom only ever craved watermelon, for example. it will really depend -- but you'll know.
the other important thing to keep in mind when battling nausea is that you need to EAT CONSISTENTLY. it doesn't have to be a lot of food, but just keep shoving little morsels in your mouth all day long.
if you don't, you will turn into dr. jeckyl and mr. hyde. you will be happy as a clam one minute, and a miserable, ravenous, horrifying beast the next minute. you might be up and energetic and care-free one moment, then curled in the fetal position on your bed, crying and so weak that you can't even get up to grab your tub of yobaby yogurt out of the fridge.
(NOTE: this is where your baby daddy comes in handy... you will never love him so much as when he brings you that snack and feeds it to you in bed because you're too weak to pick up a spoon and bring it to your mouth)
anyways, try to avoid getting to these low points by becoming a human disposal. nibble nibble nibble.
the other important thing to do?
keep something BY YOUR BED AT NIGHT. (a tupperware of graham crackers is a perfect candidate)
this is not so much for waking up in the middle of the night hungry (you will probably wake up a lot -- but because you have to pee. yes, thank you again, evil cocktail of hormones for wrecking havoc on our bladders).
the stash of food is for that first moment in the morning when you wake up... you will probably feel extremely weak and crappy. so before you even sit up - just stick out your arm, grab the food off your dresser or nightstand, and shove a few in your mouth. then go back to sleep for 5 minutes or so until it kicks in. it will make your morning WAY better! i promise.
the last piece of advice i can give about the nausea... is if you really crave something hard, and can get it quickly (before the craving turns into the opposite aka repulsion)... is: don't be ashamed no matter how weird it might be. eat it!
i already spoke of that magical day when i ate mcdonalds for lunch, and it was by far one of the best feelings i'd had all month...
and, well, thankfully i only had that craving one time. i don't think a regular diet of hamburgers would have been so good for me, either. so i guess use your judgement, too. moderation and balance are always the key!
the feeling sick thing can start early and go on for the whole pregnancy... if you're one of those really unlucky women.
i think the typical range is to start feeling crappy around 6 weeks or so, and then stop around 13 weeks or so. my window of nausea was about as stereotypical as they come, in terms of length. it was almost magical how much better i felt at the end of week 13.
the whole "morning" sickness part is a bunch of B.S., though - it could really last you day and night. essentially your body is pumping in a whole slew of new hormones and, like mixing OTC medications... or drinking beer before liquor... it can make for a pretty rocky ride.
but i learned one thing (and one thing only) helps you feel better: food.
yep, that's right. eat your way through. don't bother with the ginger pellets or pregnancy "sickness" teas or any of that other homeopathic crap. it's just another way to get you to spend too much money -- feeding on your insecurities and uncertainties as a first time mom.
THEY DON'T WORK!
you'd be better off spending your money on a nice box of graham crackers.
unfortunately, the window of morning sickness will coincide with the same window of time in the pregnancy where food in GENERAL just tastes weird/off/gross/different/abnormal.
things you once loved may make you want to vomit. things you never liked before might be the only refuge in the sea of sickness. and the smell of something may not match with how it tastes (such as coffee in my case - i made my husband go into starbucks to buy my lattes because i couldn't walk a foot in the door... but damn those lattes tasted awesome!).
you may need to spend a little money figuring out what you can eat consistently -- and by that, i mean what you will want to buy multiple boxes of in order to have them laying all around you for the inevitable emergency (your house, your car, your office, each bag you might carry, your baby daddy's messenger bags, etc.).
things that i enjoyed that stash well:
- graham crackers
- granola bars (quaker's simple harvest all-natural are particularly good)
- yobaby yogurt (made with organic whole milk)
- string cheese
- raisins (the little boxes are great to keep in your purses)
- belly bars (i really liked the berry nutty ones)
- apples (any fruit really, but apples travel best)
- baked potatoes
ok i didn't carry baked potatoes around in my bags or at my office - but i kept them at the house for emergency dinners. often my husband would make an amazingly delicious meal that i couldn't touch with a ten food pole because the smell was too strong and the flavors too flavorful. these were the lowest points of the nausea period, because i missed out on some spectacular meals. but damn those potatoes tasted GOOD!
and obviously everyone is different... my friend's mom only ever craved watermelon, for example. it will really depend -- but you'll know.
the other important thing to keep in mind when battling nausea is that you need to EAT CONSISTENTLY. it doesn't have to be a lot of food, but just keep shoving little morsels in your mouth all day long.
if you don't, you will turn into dr. jeckyl and mr. hyde. you will be happy as a clam one minute, and a miserable, ravenous, horrifying beast the next minute. you might be up and energetic and care-free one moment, then curled in the fetal position on your bed, crying and so weak that you can't even get up to grab your tub of yobaby yogurt out of the fridge.
(NOTE: this is where your baby daddy comes in handy... you will never love him so much as when he brings you that snack and feeds it to you in bed because you're too weak to pick up a spoon and bring it to your mouth)
anyways, try to avoid getting to these low points by becoming a human disposal. nibble nibble nibble.
the other important thing to do?
keep something BY YOUR BED AT NIGHT. (a tupperware of graham crackers is a perfect candidate)
this is not so much for waking up in the middle of the night hungry (you will probably wake up a lot -- but because you have to pee. yes, thank you again, evil cocktail of hormones for wrecking havoc on our bladders).
the stash of food is for that first moment in the morning when you wake up... you will probably feel extremely weak and crappy. so before you even sit up - just stick out your arm, grab the food off your dresser or nightstand, and shove a few in your mouth. then go back to sleep for 5 minutes or so until it kicks in. it will make your morning WAY better! i promise.
the last piece of advice i can give about the nausea... is if you really crave something hard, and can get it quickly (before the craving turns into the opposite aka repulsion)... is: don't be ashamed no matter how weird it might be. eat it!
i already spoke of that magical day when i ate mcdonalds for lunch, and it was by far one of the best feelings i'd had all month...
and, well, thankfully i only had that craving one time. i don't think a regular diet of hamburgers would have been so good for me, either. so i guess use your judgement, too. moderation and balance are always the key!
bloody noses & gums
yes. gross. but it happens.
don't be alarmed if one day, the lining of your nose starts to bleed when you go to blow it gently... and then continues to bleed each time thereafter for the next nine months.
and also don't be alarmed if you go to floss your teeth at night, and next thing you know your gums are gushing blood like you hit an artery.
... and you spit into your sink like rocky balboa after a good fight!
just get used to it. apparently both things are normal, persistent, and (theoretically) go away after you have the baby. i'll let you know in a week if that's true!!
i don't know why we become bleeders. i'll have to do some research.
don't be alarmed if one day, the lining of your nose starts to bleed when you go to blow it gently... and then continues to bleed each time thereafter for the next nine months.
and also don't be alarmed if you go to floss your teeth at night, and next thing you know your gums are gushing blood like you hit an artery.
... and you spit into your sink like rocky balboa after a good fight!
just get used to it. apparently both things are normal, persistent, and (theoretically) go away after you have the baby. i'll let you know in a week if that's true!!
i don't know why we become bleeders. i'll have to do some research.
9.16.2009
hiding it at parties
i was taught this fool-proof method for how to hide the fact that you're pregnant from friends while at a party where everyone is drinking. saved me - twice!
1. you need a partner in crime (ideally your baby daddy is at the party with you?)
2. your partner needs to eat a good meal beforehand
3. at the party, you and your partner need to order the SAME drinks (glass of the same wine, glass of the same beer, etc.)... the type of drink is less important than matching glasses and liquid color.
4. hold your drink for a little while, take a tiny sip here and there -- but only when you know at least one person is watching you (ie you are in conversation with them & making eye contact). walk around with it, act normally.
5. meanwhile, your partner needs to take a few HUGE SWIGS of his own drink.
6. throughout the night, you and your partner need to set your drinks down somewhere next to each other.
7. each time you go back to pick your drink up, you take the one that has the least amount of liquid in it, and your partner takes the one that is most full.
8. basically - your partner will proceed to drink about 99% of BOTH of your drinks during the course of the night... you will just kindly hold them from time to time, and occasionally wet your lips to keep the mirage going.
(usually after a few hours, most people are drunk enough that they stop noticing and you can stop the game if your partner needs to slow down)
viola!
1. you need a partner in crime (ideally your baby daddy is at the party with you?)
2. your partner needs to eat a good meal beforehand
3. at the party, you and your partner need to order the SAME drinks (glass of the same wine, glass of the same beer, etc.)... the type of drink is less important than matching glasses and liquid color.
4. hold your drink for a little while, take a tiny sip here and there -- but only when you know at least one person is watching you (ie you are in conversation with them & making eye contact). walk around with it, act normally.
5. meanwhile, your partner needs to take a few HUGE SWIGS of his own drink.
6. throughout the night, you and your partner need to set your drinks down somewhere next to each other.
7. each time you go back to pick your drink up, you take the one that has the least amount of liquid in it, and your partner takes the one that is most full.
8. basically - your partner will proceed to drink about 99% of BOTH of your drinks during the course of the night... you will just kindly hold them from time to time, and occasionally wet your lips to keep the mirage going.
(usually after a few hours, most people are drunk enough that they stop noticing and you can stop the game if your partner needs to slow down)
viola!
spilling the beans
STEP 1: TELLING YOUR BABY-DADDY
i can't give any good advice about how to handle this step. the morning i told my husband went like this:
- i woke up early, and went into the bathroom
- i promptly pee'd on a stick and saw the uber-faint line
- i came running into the bedroom
- i woke my husband up
- i shoved a pee-covered wand in his face before he had time to rub his eyes and shift from his cozy little dreamland to reality.
- he was very confused, then shocked, then mad i'd woken him up, then happy about the news, then confused again about what to do next aside from just go back to sleep.
to this day, he never stops teasing me about how he learned i was pregnant. i think i traumatized him. i don't recommend following the same method (though i do like to laugh about it, still).
STEP 2: TELLING OTHER PEOPLE
everyone has a different philosophy about when it's the best time to start telling others about the news: "i'm pregnant!"
the rule of thumb i adopted, and that worked best for my husband and i, was easy: would i feel comfortable telling this person if i have a miscarriage?
that narrowed my list down to a sizable set of people who were candidates to know about the pregnancy before week 12 (apparently the risks of miscarriage drop considerably once you get past the magic week 12 marker, and its ok to start telling whomever you want...).
of course - we had other reasons we had to factor in, as well. like family dynamics. i won't go into specifics, but due to the fact that one set of parents is divorced and remarried, it added complications into our bean-spilling rationale... so at the end of the day - we just decided to suck it up and tell no one! it was easiest that way.
ok that's not totally true. i actually broke down and told my mom around week 8, but mainly because the nausea had kicked in pretty hard at that point in time, and i was feeling REALLY SHITTY. i just needed someone to talk to! so i pulled rank and file with the husband and said that my mom gets to know.
mainly, i had an unfair situation in that i'm basically the first of all my close friends and sisters to get pregnant. i had no girlfriend to call up and talk to, to ease my fears or answer my questions or tell me everything would be fine. no one to laugh at my hormonal swings or tell me about getting vitamins or talk me through my irrational questions. for the first time in my adult life, my mom became my confidante... and it was really nice!
the things i learned - like the fact that we both hated the smell of coffee (the taste was still delicious) and craved potatoes.
like mother like daughter, i guess.
the moment i got my week 12 sonogram pictures, i told the world -- friends, family, etc. that was a fun day. although, since my husband and i clearly had known already for what seemed like FOREVER (ahh the innocent days when 12 weeks seemed long), it was a really weird day to realize that our "old news" was "new news" for everyone else.
STEP 3: TELLING WORK
ah, the tricky topic about when it's appropriate to tell the office... (assuming you work, like i do)?
again, it really REALLY depends on your relationship with your boss(es), co-workers, and your company overall.
some women never explicitly announce it -- they'll wait until they just start to show. i presume this is because their relationships at work may not be very strong or they have concerns about their job stability. it could also be that they know they'd get treated differently, not for the better. i'm sure there are a lot of reasons why a woman might wait and not tell.
others have to weigh in on the terms of their jobs - what kind of leave do they get, how long have they been there? what do they DO (is it physically demanding?), what big events are coming up? etc. and then decide if being pregnant is going to make any of that hard, impossible, or just complicated. if it is, i personally think you should let them know at an appropriate point in time (ie, not too late...) so they don't think you're leaving them out to dry. work with them to figure out a good plan to make everyone happy (you get your leave/can be pregnant/have a job to come back to, and they still get the work done while you're unable).
you should also take into account your relationship with your boss. i've always been fortunate enough to have VERY good relationships with my bosses, so sharing news about being pregnant would be nearly equivalent to telling a good friend. others may not have that luxury, so you might want to wait a little longer.
and i recommend looking into the state and federal laws that protect you around maternity leave, just so you can be familiar with them should (god forbid) your company try to pull something squirrely on you. and read up on your benefits package because some of them have contingencies (like you need to be employed for a full year before you get leave).
when you do decide to tell them, make your intentions very clear -- what is your long-term plan? how much time off do you need/plan to take? reassure them you will be coming back (assuming you will be coming back to work after - maybe you won't be). and propose some options about managing your leave, leading up to it, during it, and after you return.
if possible - turn it into a chance for career growth! and YES this is possible to do... here's the logic. you have to pass off all your work to someone else before you go on leave, anyways, right? well, usually if you've been in a job for a while, you have a long list of random little things you do that no one else can do or is willing to do (why should they when you do them so well?). these can often be things that hold you back from moving up the chain... so use this luxurious time TO SHED YOURSELF OF THOSE TASKS! teach them to someone who has to cover for you, and when you get BACK from leave -- don't resume doing them! let the new person continue that part of the job. likewise, for your main set of responsibilities -- train others to manage most of the tedium, and when you get back you should just resume doing the stuff you LIKE to do. and now you are also perfectly situated to take on a broader, higher-level role if you want it... maybe you could become those people's managers? etc. chew on the ideas, and talk to your own manager about how to make it work.
for me personally?
well, i had other things going on that made it necessary and timely to tell them about my news when i did (at 12 weeks).
like the fact that i was quitting and moving to a new city! i kind of just dropped a big stink bomb on them all at once, with about 4 weeks warning. that was fun. it worked smashingly.
but before that point in time - it was REALLY hard to keep my news a secret, mainly due the nausea that plagued me for a span of about 4 weeks. i went home early or worked from home about once a week during that span -- yet somehow, none of the engineers i work with figured it out. brilliant people, but being in-tune with a pregnant woman is not their forte. they all thought i was ill and that they were going to get ill too.
i reassured them it was impossible to get what i had... heh.
naps in the office, keeping snacks on hand, or sneaking away to nap in a nearby park (yes, like a bum) helped me squeak by those 4 weeks or so, undetected. turns out keeping secrets can be hard, but with some good planning and strategic choices, it's much easier than you might expect.
though - there was one special day where a huge lunch consisting of my one and only fast-food meal while pregnant (mmm mcdonald's hamburger, fries and a coke) "miraculously cured" my "flu" that i had that morning, and i opted to stick around the office and not go home like i'd said i was going to... that very specific instance raised the eyebrows of two engineers, but they still didn't put the pieces together. phew. close call!
the final chapter to my bean-spilling tale has to do with the NEW job, the one i started after we moved to the new city i mentioned. the tricky part here was that when they hired me, they didn't know i was pregnant. my interviews were really early on (week 4 i think?) and/or over the phone around week 10. the offer was made at week 11 & i accepted pretty quickly.
see the trend: this was all before my 12-week milestone when the iron wall of secrecy comes up... besides, its not something they needed to know.
by the time i started the job, however, i was at week 18. using the lame divide-by-four accounting method, this was when i was at four and a half months (four months if you look at a calendar). my point: it was right around the time a person starts to show. needless to say, there was much anxiety about getting to that office and starting my job before i was REALLY obvious... i banked on them not knowing me, and assuming i just like to eat donuts.
but turns out, the engineers at the new company are a LOT more in-tune with pregnant women. one of them guessed the day he met me. others within the week. in fact, everyone except my manager himself figured it out without me telling them!
were they mad? did they feel duped? annoyed i only had 5 months of work in me before disappearing for leave? NO!
yay! this new job is way better. and its busting at the seams with new babies or babies on the way. i'm just one of many women or spouses... what a freakin' relief!
i can't give any good advice about how to handle this step. the morning i told my husband went like this:
- i woke up early, and went into the bathroom
- i promptly pee'd on a stick and saw the uber-faint line
- i came running into the bedroom
- i woke my husband up
- i shoved a pee-covered wand in his face before he had time to rub his eyes and shift from his cozy little dreamland to reality.
- he was very confused, then shocked, then mad i'd woken him up, then happy about the news, then confused again about what to do next aside from just go back to sleep.
to this day, he never stops teasing me about how he learned i was pregnant. i think i traumatized him. i don't recommend following the same method (though i do like to laugh about it, still).
STEP 2: TELLING OTHER PEOPLE
everyone has a different philosophy about when it's the best time to start telling others about the news: "i'm pregnant!"
the rule of thumb i adopted, and that worked best for my husband and i, was easy: would i feel comfortable telling this person if i have a miscarriage?
that narrowed my list down to a sizable set of people who were candidates to know about the pregnancy before week 12 (apparently the risks of miscarriage drop considerably once you get past the magic week 12 marker, and its ok to start telling whomever you want...).
of course - we had other reasons we had to factor in, as well. like family dynamics. i won't go into specifics, but due to the fact that one set of parents is divorced and remarried, it added complications into our bean-spilling rationale... so at the end of the day - we just decided to suck it up and tell no one! it was easiest that way.
ok that's not totally true. i actually broke down and told my mom around week 8, but mainly because the nausea had kicked in pretty hard at that point in time, and i was feeling REALLY SHITTY. i just needed someone to talk to! so i pulled rank and file with the husband and said that my mom gets to know.
mainly, i had an unfair situation in that i'm basically the first of all my close friends and sisters to get pregnant. i had no girlfriend to call up and talk to, to ease my fears or answer my questions or tell me everything would be fine. no one to laugh at my hormonal swings or tell me about getting vitamins or talk me through my irrational questions. for the first time in my adult life, my mom became my confidante... and it was really nice!
the things i learned - like the fact that we both hated the smell of coffee (the taste was still delicious) and craved potatoes.
like mother like daughter, i guess.
the moment i got my week 12 sonogram pictures, i told the world -- friends, family, etc. that was a fun day. although, since my husband and i clearly had known already for what seemed like FOREVER (ahh the innocent days when 12 weeks seemed long), it was a really weird day to realize that our "old news" was "new news" for everyone else.
STEP 3: TELLING WORK
ah, the tricky topic about when it's appropriate to tell the office... (assuming you work, like i do)?
again, it really REALLY depends on your relationship with your boss(es), co-workers, and your company overall.
some women never explicitly announce it -- they'll wait until they just start to show. i presume this is because their relationships at work may not be very strong or they have concerns about their job stability. it could also be that they know they'd get treated differently, not for the better. i'm sure there are a lot of reasons why a woman might wait and not tell.
others have to weigh in on the terms of their jobs - what kind of leave do they get, how long have they been there? what do they DO (is it physically demanding?), what big events are coming up? etc. and then decide if being pregnant is going to make any of that hard, impossible, or just complicated. if it is, i personally think you should let them know at an appropriate point in time (ie, not too late...) so they don't think you're leaving them out to dry. work with them to figure out a good plan to make everyone happy (you get your leave/can be pregnant/have a job to come back to, and they still get the work done while you're unable).
you should also take into account your relationship with your boss. i've always been fortunate enough to have VERY good relationships with my bosses, so sharing news about being pregnant would be nearly equivalent to telling a good friend. others may not have that luxury, so you might want to wait a little longer.
and i recommend looking into the state and federal laws that protect you around maternity leave, just so you can be familiar with them should (god forbid) your company try to pull something squirrely on you. and read up on your benefits package because some of them have contingencies (like you need to be employed for a full year before you get leave).
when you do decide to tell them, make your intentions very clear -- what is your long-term plan? how much time off do you need/plan to take? reassure them you will be coming back (assuming you will be coming back to work after - maybe you won't be). and propose some options about managing your leave, leading up to it, during it, and after you return.
if possible - turn it into a chance for career growth! and YES this is possible to do... here's the logic. you have to pass off all your work to someone else before you go on leave, anyways, right? well, usually if you've been in a job for a while, you have a long list of random little things you do that no one else can do or is willing to do (why should they when you do them so well?). these can often be things that hold you back from moving up the chain... so use this luxurious time TO SHED YOURSELF OF THOSE TASKS! teach them to someone who has to cover for you, and when you get BACK from leave -- don't resume doing them! let the new person continue that part of the job. likewise, for your main set of responsibilities -- train others to manage most of the tedium, and when you get back you should just resume doing the stuff you LIKE to do. and now you are also perfectly situated to take on a broader, higher-level role if you want it... maybe you could become those people's managers? etc. chew on the ideas, and talk to your own manager about how to make it work.
for me personally?
well, i had other things going on that made it necessary and timely to tell them about my news when i did (at 12 weeks).
like the fact that i was quitting and moving to a new city! i kind of just dropped a big stink bomb on them all at once, with about 4 weeks warning. that was fun. it worked smashingly.
but before that point in time - it was REALLY hard to keep my news a secret, mainly due the nausea that plagued me for a span of about 4 weeks. i went home early or worked from home about once a week during that span -- yet somehow, none of the engineers i work with figured it out. brilliant people, but being in-tune with a pregnant woman is not their forte. they all thought i was ill and that they were going to get ill too.
i reassured them it was impossible to get what i had... heh.
naps in the office, keeping snacks on hand, or sneaking away to nap in a nearby park (yes, like a bum) helped me squeak by those 4 weeks or so, undetected. turns out keeping secrets can be hard, but with some good planning and strategic choices, it's much easier than you might expect.
though - there was one special day where a huge lunch consisting of my one and only fast-food meal while pregnant (mmm mcdonald's hamburger, fries and a coke) "miraculously cured" my "flu" that i had that morning, and i opted to stick around the office and not go home like i'd said i was going to... that very specific instance raised the eyebrows of two engineers, but they still didn't put the pieces together. phew. close call!
the final chapter to my bean-spilling tale has to do with the NEW job, the one i started after we moved to the new city i mentioned. the tricky part here was that when they hired me, they didn't know i was pregnant. my interviews were really early on (week 4 i think?) and/or over the phone around week 10. the offer was made at week 11 & i accepted pretty quickly.
see the trend: this was all before my 12-week milestone when the iron wall of secrecy comes up... besides, its not something they needed to know.
by the time i started the job, however, i was at week 18. using the lame divide-by-four accounting method, this was when i was at four and a half months (four months if you look at a calendar). my point: it was right around the time a person starts to show. needless to say, there was much anxiety about getting to that office and starting my job before i was REALLY obvious... i banked on them not knowing me, and assuming i just like to eat donuts.
but turns out, the engineers at the new company are a LOT more in-tune with pregnant women. one of them guessed the day he met me. others within the week. in fact, everyone except my manager himself figured it out without me telling them!
were they mad? did they feel duped? annoyed i only had 5 months of work in me before disappearing for leave? NO!
yay! this new job is way better. and its busting at the seams with new babies or babies on the way. i'm just one of many women or spouses... what a freakin' relief!
9.15.2009
accounting
i don't understand the accounting used to track pregnancy.
did you know that they start counting week 1 at the START OF YOUR LAST PERIOD... yes, BEFORE YOU ARE PREGNANT!?
please tell me exactly - how does that work!? does this mean that technically since, oh, 7th grade when i first got my period as a pubescent teen, that i've been "pregnant" for 2 weeks every month?
according to this "method" - by the time you get to a point where you physically ARE pregnant (and its registering enough to show up in a test), you're already at 3 or 4 weeks. what!?
that's a full month of time you just denied to me! no fair!
here's where it really gets to be confusing... according to this lame accounting system, pregnancy is a TEN MONTH process. yes. 10 months. their "months" don't equal a normal person's months... but try explaining this to the world when they continually ask you how far along you are...
it gets very confusing. maybe not so much in the beginning (because you're counting up, which is easy to do: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 weeks. and, you're nicely dividing it all by 4 to get your months...). But, when you get somewhere in the middle, it stops adding up right. And then you can't keep it straight.
"16 weeks doesn't equal 4 months on the calendar... it's only 3.5!"
"2 months left but 8 months down!?"
it's a total racket. my advice?
- count up (using weeks) until you hit 16 weeks, then stop.
- just make it up when you reach the murky middle months... people don't really care that much -- they just ask you as a conversation point. give them rough estimates in months. it's all they need.
- start to count down again (using weeks) when you get to the last trimester, the END of the last trimester... as in, your last 6 weeks before your due date. at that point, you'll be anxiously awaiting labor and you'll want to know how much time you have left to enjoy your life as a non-parent, to get the house ready, etc. etc.
and my last piece of advice is that you should set up a digital calendar (an online google calendar or otherwise) that keeps track of it all for you... then you don't need to do the math over and over and over again... you can just log in and read it when you need it.
free your mind!
did you know that they start counting week 1 at the START OF YOUR LAST PERIOD... yes, BEFORE YOU ARE PREGNANT!?
please tell me exactly - how does that work!? does this mean that technically since, oh, 7th grade when i first got my period as a pubescent teen, that i've been "pregnant" for 2 weeks every month?
according to this "method" - by the time you get to a point where you physically ARE pregnant (and its registering enough to show up in a test), you're already at 3 or 4 weeks. what!?
that's a full month of time you just denied to me! no fair!
here's where it really gets to be confusing... according to this lame accounting system, pregnancy is a TEN MONTH process. yes. 10 months. their "months" don't equal a normal person's months... but try explaining this to the world when they continually ask you how far along you are...
it gets very confusing. maybe not so much in the beginning (because you're counting up, which is easy to do: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 weeks. and, you're nicely dividing it all by 4 to get your months...). But, when you get somewhere in the middle, it stops adding up right. And then you can't keep it straight.
"16 weeks doesn't equal 4 months on the calendar... it's only 3.5!"
"2 months left but 8 months down!?"
it's a total racket. my advice?
- count up (using weeks) until you hit 16 weeks, then stop.
- just make it up when you reach the murky middle months... people don't really care that much -- they just ask you as a conversation point. give them rough estimates in months. it's all they need.
- start to count down again (using weeks) when you get to the last trimester, the END of the last trimester... as in, your last 6 weeks before your due date. at that point, you'll be anxiously awaiting labor and you'll want to know how much time you have left to enjoy your life as a non-parent, to get the house ready, etc. etc.
and my last piece of advice is that you should set up a digital calendar (an online google calendar or otherwise) that keeps track of it all for you... then you don't need to do the math over and over and over again... you can just log in and read it when you need it.
free your mind!
peeing on a stick
all the shiny pink pregnancy test packages make it sound like it's SUPER EASY to tell if the stick you just pee'd on is showing a positive or negative result.
well, in reality, it's not always that easy to tell. don't think you're stupid... many of us have been there. sometimes, that second line is so faint that you aren't sure if it's really there or not... what does a FAINT line mean!? is that a line? does it count?
i think i spent a good hour on google trying to figure out my results when i took them that fateful morning back in january. some random chat room finally put my questions at ease.
the answer is yes. a second line -- ANY line, no matter how pale and pathetic and faint it might be -- is a positive test. if you see even the vaguest hint of a second line, wait a few days and take it again. or better yet, get on the phone with your doctor and set up an appointment to have them administer the test.
just don't get confused by the fact that the other line is huge and dark and bold. i swear they make them that way to purposely confuse the hell out of us already confused and emotionally strained women...
i bet some big guy in a suit sits in his office chuckling to himself at how funny it is to have all these doubtful ladies wondering what the hell the test results mean...
and the reason i'm so skeptical? at the end of the day, the chances that we BUY ANOTHER TEST goes through the roof if it's hard to read... of course they want us to buy a second one! those fuckers are EXPENSIVE!
grr.
(and thus, the first sliver of your paycheck slips away to the soon-to-be-child... the first of many more. get those pocketbooks ready!)
well, in reality, it's not always that easy to tell. don't think you're stupid... many of us have been there. sometimes, that second line is so faint that you aren't sure if it's really there or not... what does a FAINT line mean!? is that a line? does it count?
i think i spent a good hour on google trying to figure out my results when i took them that fateful morning back in january. some random chat room finally put my questions at ease.
the answer is yes. a second line -- ANY line, no matter how pale and pathetic and faint it might be -- is a positive test. if you see even the vaguest hint of a second line, wait a few days and take it again. or better yet, get on the phone with your doctor and set up an appointment to have them administer the test.
just don't get confused by the fact that the other line is huge and dark and bold. i swear they make them that way to purposely confuse the hell out of us already confused and emotionally strained women...
i bet some big guy in a suit sits in his office chuckling to himself at how funny it is to have all these doubtful ladies wondering what the hell the test results mean...
and the reason i'm so skeptical? at the end of the day, the chances that we BUY ANOTHER TEST goes through the roof if it's hard to read... of course they want us to buy a second one! those fuckers are EXPENSIVE!
grr.
(and thus, the first sliver of your paycheck slips away to the soon-to-be-child... the first of many more. get those pocketbooks ready!)
1 week to go... 38 weeks of things learned
38 weeks ago, my husband and i did the dirty deed, and nature ran it's course. a little sperm swam through my tubes, had a rendezvous with my fertile little egg, and started the insane process of creating a human.
cells divided.
organs formed.
brains waves started firing.
and without any help from either of us - we're now mere days from being first-time parents!
if there is one thing that's been fascinating about this first pass through the land of pregnancy, it's how much information you want to know and can't get. how many questions you start to ask, but don't find good answers for. about how many details people never bring up until AFTER you've already taken that little test and realize there is no turning back...
so i'm starting this blog to share some of the things i've learned. everyone has a different experience, but i want to share mine in hopes that maybe it will make someone else's first-time experience a little less scary. enjoy!
cells divided.
organs formed.
brains waves started firing.
and without any help from either of us - we're now mere days from being first-time parents!
if there is one thing that's been fascinating about this first pass through the land of pregnancy, it's how much information you want to know and can't get. how many questions you start to ask, but don't find good answers for. about how many details people never bring up until AFTER you've already taken that little test and realize there is no turning back...
so i'm starting this blog to share some of the things i've learned. everyone has a different experience, but i want to share mine in hopes that maybe it will make someone else's first-time experience a little less scary. enjoy!
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