there are lots of changes that happen with our hooters during these 9 months - and due to my recent labor, the most significant changes are in the process of happening to me RIGHT NOW... may as give it to you real-time!
PART 1: Pregnancy Boobs
all the books i read said that your boobs might start growing bigger as early as your first few weeks of being pregnant. in fact, some women i've talked to said that it was their boob growth that "gave it away" long before their bellies popped out.
but, being a small A-cup all my life, i cautiously looked forward to seeing such changes... i was pretty convinced my boobs just genetically didn't know HOW to grow.
in my early months, my nipples got really sore - very tender & red. they often hurt quite a lot after a long day of work being stuffed in a bra. but aside from just feeling swollen, the boobs themselves were the same old size. all the pain, none of the gain. great. why don't the books talk about the woes of the small-chested?
i bought a new B-cup bra around 12 weeks or so namely to give my nipples extra breathing room so they wouldn't sting. i felt a little silly wearing it since the rest of the bra was so damn saggy. it helped, a little. i'm not sure what another solution could have been to help the pain - i'm not exactly an expert on boob care.
so that's how it was... many months went by and nothing happened... tick tock tick tock... no boobs, just sore nipples. what a racket.
right when i'd about given up, sometime around month 6, i started to notice that i was busting out of my old A-cup bras. the B's were still loose, but... hmm... interesting progress.
it probably took the full 9 months, but i eventually made it to a cup-runneth-over B. hooray for cleavage! but the unfortunate thing was that you couldn't tell because of the relative proportion of boobs-to-belly.
sigh.
i think the most humorous thing about the experience was that during months 8 and 9, if i bent over while not wearing a shirt, my boobs actually bumped into my belly. that's a weird feeling for someone who has never had either boobs or a belly for bumping!
well... i have no point to this story except: don't get too excited about boob growth while pregnant, if you are flat chested too. in my experience it was a huge disappointment overall.
9.28.2009
it's a girl!
hello again!
sorry for the radio silence... in the exciting world of pregnancy, i hit that magical mark called my due date - and out popped a child! right on schedule. i love this kid already. :)
contractions started: ~11:30pm on 9/21/09
(while i was watching obama on letterman)
time & date of birth: 7:21pm on 9/22/09
hours in labor: 19. ugh.
... i promise i'll blog all about the labor experience soon - plenty to share on that topic! stay tuned!
sorry for the radio silence... in the exciting world of pregnancy, i hit that magical mark called my due date - and out popped a child! right on schedule. i love this kid already. :)
contractions started: ~11:30pm on 9/21/09
(while i was watching obama on letterman)
time & date of birth: 7:21pm on 9/22/09
hours in labor: 19. ugh.
... i promise i'll blog all about the labor experience soon - plenty to share on that topic! stay tuned!
9.20.2009
coffee
on the topic of consuming questionable things - EVERY source i've read (except those written by neurotic pregnancy-purists) agrees:
1 cup of coffee a day is ok!
hooray!
and i have multiple sources to confirm this with - my mom (who had me, and i'm awesome, so clearly the coffee didn't have adverse effects) and my anonymous friend, mother of 3 adorable, smart and funny children who made herself lattes and ate pastries every day during all 3 pregnancies.
so drink up.
1 cup of coffee a day is ok!
hooray!
and i have multiple sources to confirm this with - my mom (who had me, and i'm awesome, so clearly the coffee didn't have adverse effects) and my anonymous friend, mother of 3 adorable, smart and funny children who made herself lattes and ate pastries every day during all 3 pregnancies.
so drink up.
meds
needing to take medications for any reason during your pregnancy (especially in the early months when you're paranoid about brain and organ development) can be a little nerve-wracking.
i generally tried to avoid them all - but at the end of the day was unsuccessful mainly due to my being pregnant in the springtime, and my horrible seasonal allergies.
growing up i never really had allergy issues (though come to think of it i felt like i a had a never-ending cold, which was probably the first signs of my allergies to pollens and mold).
once i moved to boston for college, and was exposed to new types of plants, i was hit pretty hard my junior year and quickly became a benedryl junkie.
before i left MIT, i eventually had a running prescription of allegra -- my favorite allergy medicine to date. it always works quickly & never makes me sleepy or groggy.
moving to seattle this year was a pretty similar situation -- actually, it was worse because it hit me immediately, not 3 years later. seattle in the spring is GORGEOUS -- bright colorful flowers growing everywhere. green grass. awesome trees. simply magnificent.
but it also means it has tons of pollen, pollen, pollen. by the end of my first week, i was a pregnant, allergic, miserable MESS.
even my husband was hit by the allergy truck when he showed up a few weeks later - and he generally never has allergy issues.
i tried to hold off on taking medications in my childbearing state, but it was simply unbearable. thankfully, there is a lot of literature online about what medications are OK to take during pregnancy and what are not... i honestly can't recall what sources i ended up using... a mix from the babycenter website, my books, etc.
the long and short was that i determined claritin would be OK to take but i should probably avoid my near-&-dear allegra. i don't know if it's bad, there simply wasn't ANY information about it, whereas several sources said claritin was fine.
so i took one pill a day for about 3 weeks. i tried not to exceed this amount, and would skip days whenever possible. and my baby seems to have grown normally -- no extra limbs or other abnormalities.
i guess time will tell on whether i killed its braincells in the process or not... but, i think it will be fine. i'm no pregnancy purist, afterall. i'm pretty adament about keeping the mom healthy and happy -- if you do that, the baby will be healthy too.
and sometimes, to be healthy and happy, mom needs a little help!
so when in doubt -- just call your doctor. they'll happily advise you on whether that pill you might need is safe to use (or not). and don't feel guilty if you end up taking it. those women who act all perfect and never touch an ounce of anything that's not locally grown and organic are just neurotic...
... and they're going to end up with neurotic, germ-a-phobic kids that our children will beat up on the playground!
i generally tried to avoid them all - but at the end of the day was unsuccessful mainly due to my being pregnant in the springtime, and my horrible seasonal allergies.
growing up i never really had allergy issues (though come to think of it i felt like i a had a never-ending cold, which was probably the first signs of my allergies to pollens and mold).
once i moved to boston for college, and was exposed to new types of plants, i was hit pretty hard my junior year and quickly became a benedryl junkie.
before i left MIT, i eventually had a running prescription of allegra -- my favorite allergy medicine to date. it always works quickly & never makes me sleepy or groggy.
moving to seattle this year was a pretty similar situation -- actually, it was worse because it hit me immediately, not 3 years later. seattle in the spring is GORGEOUS -- bright colorful flowers growing everywhere. green grass. awesome trees. simply magnificent.
but it also means it has tons of pollen, pollen, pollen. by the end of my first week, i was a pregnant, allergic, miserable MESS.
even my husband was hit by the allergy truck when he showed up a few weeks later - and he generally never has allergy issues.
i tried to hold off on taking medications in my childbearing state, but it was simply unbearable. thankfully, there is a lot of literature online about what medications are OK to take during pregnancy and what are not... i honestly can't recall what sources i ended up using... a mix from the babycenter website, my books, etc.
the long and short was that i determined claritin would be OK to take but i should probably avoid my near-&-dear allegra. i don't know if it's bad, there simply wasn't ANY information about it, whereas several sources said claritin was fine.
so i took one pill a day for about 3 weeks. i tried not to exceed this amount, and would skip days whenever possible. and my baby seems to have grown normally -- no extra limbs or other abnormalities.
i guess time will tell on whether i killed its braincells in the process or not... but, i think it will be fine. i'm no pregnancy purist, afterall. i'm pretty adament about keeping the mom healthy and happy -- if you do that, the baby will be healthy too.
and sometimes, to be healthy and happy, mom needs a little help!
so when in doubt -- just call your doctor. they'll happily advise you on whether that pill you might need is safe to use (or not). and don't feel guilty if you end up taking it. those women who act all perfect and never touch an ounce of anything that's not locally grown and organic are just neurotic...
... and they're going to end up with neurotic, germ-a-phobic kids that our children will beat up on the playground!
9.17.2009
that fun little thing called "morning sickness"
or, rather, just plain nausea.
the feeling sick thing can start early and go on for the whole pregnancy... if you're one of those really unlucky women.
i think the typical range is to start feeling crappy around 6 weeks or so, and then stop around 13 weeks or so. my window of nausea was about as stereotypical as they come, in terms of length. it was almost magical how much better i felt at the end of week 13.
the whole "morning" sickness part is a bunch of B.S., though - it could really last you day and night. essentially your body is pumping in a whole slew of new hormones and, like mixing OTC medications... or drinking beer before liquor... it can make for a pretty rocky ride.
but i learned one thing (and one thing only) helps you feel better: food.
yep, that's right. eat your way through. don't bother with the ginger pellets or pregnancy "sickness" teas or any of that other homeopathic crap. it's just another way to get you to spend too much money -- feeding on your insecurities and uncertainties as a first time mom.
THEY DON'T WORK!
you'd be better off spending your money on a nice box of graham crackers.
unfortunately, the window of morning sickness will coincide with the same window of time in the pregnancy where food in GENERAL just tastes weird/off/gross/different/abnormal.
things you once loved may make you want to vomit. things you never liked before might be the only refuge in the sea of sickness. and the smell of something may not match with how it tastes (such as coffee in my case - i made my husband go into starbucks to buy my lattes because i couldn't walk a foot in the door... but damn those lattes tasted awesome!).
you may need to spend a little money figuring out what you can eat consistently -- and by that, i mean what you will want to buy multiple boxes of in order to have them laying all around you for the inevitable emergency (your house, your car, your office, each bag you might carry, your baby daddy's messenger bags, etc.).
things that i enjoyed that stash well:
- graham crackers
- granola bars (quaker's simple harvest all-natural are particularly good)
- yobaby yogurt (made with organic whole milk)
- string cheese
- raisins (the little boxes are great to keep in your purses)
- belly bars (i really liked the berry nutty ones)
- apples (any fruit really, but apples travel best)
- baked potatoes
ok i didn't carry baked potatoes around in my bags or at my office - but i kept them at the house for emergency dinners. often my husband would make an amazingly delicious meal that i couldn't touch with a ten food pole because the smell was too strong and the flavors too flavorful. these were the lowest points of the nausea period, because i missed out on some spectacular meals. but damn those potatoes tasted GOOD!
and obviously everyone is different... my friend's mom only ever craved watermelon, for example. it will really depend -- but you'll know.
the other important thing to keep in mind when battling nausea is that you need to EAT CONSISTENTLY. it doesn't have to be a lot of food, but just keep shoving little morsels in your mouth all day long.
if you don't, you will turn into dr. jeckyl and mr. hyde. you will be happy as a clam one minute, and a miserable, ravenous, horrifying beast the next minute. you might be up and energetic and care-free one moment, then curled in the fetal position on your bed, crying and so weak that you can't even get up to grab your tub of yobaby yogurt out of the fridge.
(NOTE: this is where your baby daddy comes in handy... you will never love him so much as when he brings you that snack and feeds it to you in bed because you're too weak to pick up a spoon and bring it to your mouth)
anyways, try to avoid getting to these low points by becoming a human disposal. nibble nibble nibble.
the other important thing to do?
keep something BY YOUR BED AT NIGHT. (a tupperware of graham crackers is a perfect candidate)
this is not so much for waking up in the middle of the night hungry (you will probably wake up a lot -- but because you have to pee. yes, thank you again, evil cocktail of hormones for wrecking havoc on our bladders).
the stash of food is for that first moment in the morning when you wake up... you will probably feel extremely weak and crappy. so before you even sit up - just stick out your arm, grab the food off your dresser or nightstand, and shove a few in your mouth. then go back to sleep for 5 minutes or so until it kicks in. it will make your morning WAY better! i promise.
the last piece of advice i can give about the nausea... is if you really crave something hard, and can get it quickly (before the craving turns into the opposite aka repulsion)... is: don't be ashamed no matter how weird it might be. eat it!
i already spoke of that magical day when i ate mcdonalds for lunch, and it was by far one of the best feelings i'd had all month...
and, well, thankfully i only had that craving one time. i don't think a regular diet of hamburgers would have been so good for me, either. so i guess use your judgement, too. moderation and balance are always the key!
the feeling sick thing can start early and go on for the whole pregnancy... if you're one of those really unlucky women.
i think the typical range is to start feeling crappy around 6 weeks or so, and then stop around 13 weeks or so. my window of nausea was about as stereotypical as they come, in terms of length. it was almost magical how much better i felt at the end of week 13.
the whole "morning" sickness part is a bunch of B.S., though - it could really last you day and night. essentially your body is pumping in a whole slew of new hormones and, like mixing OTC medications... or drinking beer before liquor... it can make for a pretty rocky ride.
but i learned one thing (and one thing only) helps you feel better: food.
yep, that's right. eat your way through. don't bother with the ginger pellets or pregnancy "sickness" teas or any of that other homeopathic crap. it's just another way to get you to spend too much money -- feeding on your insecurities and uncertainties as a first time mom.
THEY DON'T WORK!
you'd be better off spending your money on a nice box of graham crackers.
unfortunately, the window of morning sickness will coincide with the same window of time in the pregnancy where food in GENERAL just tastes weird/off/gross/different/abnormal.
things you once loved may make you want to vomit. things you never liked before might be the only refuge in the sea of sickness. and the smell of something may not match with how it tastes (such as coffee in my case - i made my husband go into starbucks to buy my lattes because i couldn't walk a foot in the door... but damn those lattes tasted awesome!).
you may need to spend a little money figuring out what you can eat consistently -- and by that, i mean what you will want to buy multiple boxes of in order to have them laying all around you for the inevitable emergency (your house, your car, your office, each bag you might carry, your baby daddy's messenger bags, etc.).
things that i enjoyed that stash well:
- graham crackers
- granola bars (quaker's simple harvest all-natural are particularly good)
- yobaby yogurt (made with organic whole milk)
- string cheese
- raisins (the little boxes are great to keep in your purses)
- belly bars (i really liked the berry nutty ones)
- apples (any fruit really, but apples travel best)
- baked potatoes
ok i didn't carry baked potatoes around in my bags or at my office - but i kept them at the house for emergency dinners. often my husband would make an amazingly delicious meal that i couldn't touch with a ten food pole because the smell was too strong and the flavors too flavorful. these were the lowest points of the nausea period, because i missed out on some spectacular meals. but damn those potatoes tasted GOOD!
and obviously everyone is different... my friend's mom only ever craved watermelon, for example. it will really depend -- but you'll know.
the other important thing to keep in mind when battling nausea is that you need to EAT CONSISTENTLY. it doesn't have to be a lot of food, but just keep shoving little morsels in your mouth all day long.
if you don't, you will turn into dr. jeckyl and mr. hyde. you will be happy as a clam one minute, and a miserable, ravenous, horrifying beast the next minute. you might be up and energetic and care-free one moment, then curled in the fetal position on your bed, crying and so weak that you can't even get up to grab your tub of yobaby yogurt out of the fridge.
(NOTE: this is where your baby daddy comes in handy... you will never love him so much as when he brings you that snack and feeds it to you in bed because you're too weak to pick up a spoon and bring it to your mouth)
anyways, try to avoid getting to these low points by becoming a human disposal. nibble nibble nibble.
the other important thing to do?
keep something BY YOUR BED AT NIGHT. (a tupperware of graham crackers is a perfect candidate)
this is not so much for waking up in the middle of the night hungry (you will probably wake up a lot -- but because you have to pee. yes, thank you again, evil cocktail of hormones for wrecking havoc on our bladders).
the stash of food is for that first moment in the morning when you wake up... you will probably feel extremely weak and crappy. so before you even sit up - just stick out your arm, grab the food off your dresser or nightstand, and shove a few in your mouth. then go back to sleep for 5 minutes or so until it kicks in. it will make your morning WAY better! i promise.
the last piece of advice i can give about the nausea... is if you really crave something hard, and can get it quickly (before the craving turns into the opposite aka repulsion)... is: don't be ashamed no matter how weird it might be. eat it!
i already spoke of that magical day when i ate mcdonalds for lunch, and it was by far one of the best feelings i'd had all month...
and, well, thankfully i only had that craving one time. i don't think a regular diet of hamburgers would have been so good for me, either. so i guess use your judgement, too. moderation and balance are always the key!
bloody noses & gums
yes. gross. but it happens.
don't be alarmed if one day, the lining of your nose starts to bleed when you go to blow it gently... and then continues to bleed each time thereafter for the next nine months.
and also don't be alarmed if you go to floss your teeth at night, and next thing you know your gums are gushing blood like you hit an artery.
... and you spit into your sink like rocky balboa after a good fight!
just get used to it. apparently both things are normal, persistent, and (theoretically) go away after you have the baby. i'll let you know in a week if that's true!!
i don't know why we become bleeders. i'll have to do some research.
don't be alarmed if one day, the lining of your nose starts to bleed when you go to blow it gently... and then continues to bleed each time thereafter for the next nine months.
and also don't be alarmed if you go to floss your teeth at night, and next thing you know your gums are gushing blood like you hit an artery.
... and you spit into your sink like rocky balboa after a good fight!
just get used to it. apparently both things are normal, persistent, and (theoretically) go away after you have the baby. i'll let you know in a week if that's true!!
i don't know why we become bleeders. i'll have to do some research.
9.16.2009
hiding it at parties
i was taught this fool-proof method for how to hide the fact that you're pregnant from friends while at a party where everyone is drinking. saved me - twice!
1. you need a partner in crime (ideally your baby daddy is at the party with you?)
2. your partner needs to eat a good meal beforehand
3. at the party, you and your partner need to order the SAME drinks (glass of the same wine, glass of the same beer, etc.)... the type of drink is less important than matching glasses and liquid color.
4. hold your drink for a little while, take a tiny sip here and there -- but only when you know at least one person is watching you (ie you are in conversation with them & making eye contact). walk around with it, act normally.
5. meanwhile, your partner needs to take a few HUGE SWIGS of his own drink.
6. throughout the night, you and your partner need to set your drinks down somewhere next to each other.
7. each time you go back to pick your drink up, you take the one that has the least amount of liquid in it, and your partner takes the one that is most full.
8. basically - your partner will proceed to drink about 99% of BOTH of your drinks during the course of the night... you will just kindly hold them from time to time, and occasionally wet your lips to keep the mirage going.
(usually after a few hours, most people are drunk enough that they stop noticing and you can stop the game if your partner needs to slow down)
viola!
1. you need a partner in crime (ideally your baby daddy is at the party with you?)
2. your partner needs to eat a good meal beforehand
3. at the party, you and your partner need to order the SAME drinks (glass of the same wine, glass of the same beer, etc.)... the type of drink is less important than matching glasses and liquid color.
4. hold your drink for a little while, take a tiny sip here and there -- but only when you know at least one person is watching you (ie you are in conversation with them & making eye contact). walk around with it, act normally.
5. meanwhile, your partner needs to take a few HUGE SWIGS of his own drink.
6. throughout the night, you and your partner need to set your drinks down somewhere next to each other.
7. each time you go back to pick your drink up, you take the one that has the least amount of liquid in it, and your partner takes the one that is most full.
8. basically - your partner will proceed to drink about 99% of BOTH of your drinks during the course of the night... you will just kindly hold them from time to time, and occasionally wet your lips to keep the mirage going.
(usually after a few hours, most people are drunk enough that they stop noticing and you can stop the game if your partner needs to slow down)
viola!
spilling the beans
STEP 1: TELLING YOUR BABY-DADDY
i can't give any good advice about how to handle this step. the morning i told my husband went like this:
- i woke up early, and went into the bathroom
- i promptly pee'd on a stick and saw the uber-faint line
- i came running into the bedroom
- i woke my husband up
- i shoved a pee-covered wand in his face before he had time to rub his eyes and shift from his cozy little dreamland to reality.
- he was very confused, then shocked, then mad i'd woken him up, then happy about the news, then confused again about what to do next aside from just go back to sleep.
to this day, he never stops teasing me about how he learned i was pregnant. i think i traumatized him. i don't recommend following the same method (though i do like to laugh about it, still).
STEP 2: TELLING OTHER PEOPLE
everyone has a different philosophy about when it's the best time to start telling others about the news: "i'm pregnant!"
the rule of thumb i adopted, and that worked best for my husband and i, was easy: would i feel comfortable telling this person if i have a miscarriage?
that narrowed my list down to a sizable set of people who were candidates to know about the pregnancy before week 12 (apparently the risks of miscarriage drop considerably once you get past the magic week 12 marker, and its ok to start telling whomever you want...).
of course - we had other reasons we had to factor in, as well. like family dynamics. i won't go into specifics, but due to the fact that one set of parents is divorced and remarried, it added complications into our bean-spilling rationale... so at the end of the day - we just decided to suck it up and tell no one! it was easiest that way.
ok that's not totally true. i actually broke down and told my mom around week 8, but mainly because the nausea had kicked in pretty hard at that point in time, and i was feeling REALLY SHITTY. i just needed someone to talk to! so i pulled rank and file with the husband and said that my mom gets to know.
mainly, i had an unfair situation in that i'm basically the first of all my close friends and sisters to get pregnant. i had no girlfriend to call up and talk to, to ease my fears or answer my questions or tell me everything would be fine. no one to laugh at my hormonal swings or tell me about getting vitamins or talk me through my irrational questions. for the first time in my adult life, my mom became my confidante... and it was really nice!
the things i learned - like the fact that we both hated the smell of coffee (the taste was still delicious) and craved potatoes.
like mother like daughter, i guess.
the moment i got my week 12 sonogram pictures, i told the world -- friends, family, etc. that was a fun day. although, since my husband and i clearly had known already for what seemed like FOREVER (ahh the innocent days when 12 weeks seemed long), it was a really weird day to realize that our "old news" was "new news" for everyone else.
STEP 3: TELLING WORK
ah, the tricky topic about when it's appropriate to tell the office... (assuming you work, like i do)?
again, it really REALLY depends on your relationship with your boss(es), co-workers, and your company overall.
some women never explicitly announce it -- they'll wait until they just start to show. i presume this is because their relationships at work may not be very strong or they have concerns about their job stability. it could also be that they know they'd get treated differently, not for the better. i'm sure there are a lot of reasons why a woman might wait and not tell.
others have to weigh in on the terms of their jobs - what kind of leave do they get, how long have they been there? what do they DO (is it physically demanding?), what big events are coming up? etc. and then decide if being pregnant is going to make any of that hard, impossible, or just complicated. if it is, i personally think you should let them know at an appropriate point in time (ie, not too late...) so they don't think you're leaving them out to dry. work with them to figure out a good plan to make everyone happy (you get your leave/can be pregnant/have a job to come back to, and they still get the work done while you're unable).
you should also take into account your relationship with your boss. i've always been fortunate enough to have VERY good relationships with my bosses, so sharing news about being pregnant would be nearly equivalent to telling a good friend. others may not have that luxury, so you might want to wait a little longer.
and i recommend looking into the state and federal laws that protect you around maternity leave, just so you can be familiar with them should (god forbid) your company try to pull something squirrely on you. and read up on your benefits package because some of them have contingencies (like you need to be employed for a full year before you get leave).
when you do decide to tell them, make your intentions very clear -- what is your long-term plan? how much time off do you need/plan to take? reassure them you will be coming back (assuming you will be coming back to work after - maybe you won't be). and propose some options about managing your leave, leading up to it, during it, and after you return.
if possible - turn it into a chance for career growth! and YES this is possible to do... here's the logic. you have to pass off all your work to someone else before you go on leave, anyways, right? well, usually if you've been in a job for a while, you have a long list of random little things you do that no one else can do or is willing to do (why should they when you do them so well?). these can often be things that hold you back from moving up the chain... so use this luxurious time TO SHED YOURSELF OF THOSE TASKS! teach them to someone who has to cover for you, and when you get BACK from leave -- don't resume doing them! let the new person continue that part of the job. likewise, for your main set of responsibilities -- train others to manage most of the tedium, and when you get back you should just resume doing the stuff you LIKE to do. and now you are also perfectly situated to take on a broader, higher-level role if you want it... maybe you could become those people's managers? etc. chew on the ideas, and talk to your own manager about how to make it work.
for me personally?
well, i had other things going on that made it necessary and timely to tell them about my news when i did (at 12 weeks).
like the fact that i was quitting and moving to a new city! i kind of just dropped a big stink bomb on them all at once, with about 4 weeks warning. that was fun. it worked smashingly.
but before that point in time - it was REALLY hard to keep my news a secret, mainly due the nausea that plagued me for a span of about 4 weeks. i went home early or worked from home about once a week during that span -- yet somehow, none of the engineers i work with figured it out. brilliant people, but being in-tune with a pregnant woman is not their forte. they all thought i was ill and that they were going to get ill too.
i reassured them it was impossible to get what i had... heh.
naps in the office, keeping snacks on hand, or sneaking away to nap in a nearby park (yes, like a bum) helped me squeak by those 4 weeks or so, undetected. turns out keeping secrets can be hard, but with some good planning and strategic choices, it's much easier than you might expect.
though - there was one special day where a huge lunch consisting of my one and only fast-food meal while pregnant (mmm mcdonald's hamburger, fries and a coke) "miraculously cured" my "flu" that i had that morning, and i opted to stick around the office and not go home like i'd said i was going to... that very specific instance raised the eyebrows of two engineers, but they still didn't put the pieces together. phew. close call!
the final chapter to my bean-spilling tale has to do with the NEW job, the one i started after we moved to the new city i mentioned. the tricky part here was that when they hired me, they didn't know i was pregnant. my interviews were really early on (week 4 i think?) and/or over the phone around week 10. the offer was made at week 11 & i accepted pretty quickly.
see the trend: this was all before my 12-week milestone when the iron wall of secrecy comes up... besides, its not something they needed to know.
by the time i started the job, however, i was at week 18. using the lame divide-by-four accounting method, this was when i was at four and a half months (four months if you look at a calendar). my point: it was right around the time a person starts to show. needless to say, there was much anxiety about getting to that office and starting my job before i was REALLY obvious... i banked on them not knowing me, and assuming i just like to eat donuts.
but turns out, the engineers at the new company are a LOT more in-tune with pregnant women. one of them guessed the day he met me. others within the week. in fact, everyone except my manager himself figured it out without me telling them!
were they mad? did they feel duped? annoyed i only had 5 months of work in me before disappearing for leave? NO!
yay! this new job is way better. and its busting at the seams with new babies or babies on the way. i'm just one of many women or spouses... what a freakin' relief!
i can't give any good advice about how to handle this step. the morning i told my husband went like this:
- i woke up early, and went into the bathroom
- i promptly pee'd on a stick and saw the uber-faint line
- i came running into the bedroom
- i woke my husband up
- i shoved a pee-covered wand in his face before he had time to rub his eyes and shift from his cozy little dreamland to reality.
- he was very confused, then shocked, then mad i'd woken him up, then happy about the news, then confused again about what to do next aside from just go back to sleep.
to this day, he never stops teasing me about how he learned i was pregnant. i think i traumatized him. i don't recommend following the same method (though i do like to laugh about it, still).
STEP 2: TELLING OTHER PEOPLE
everyone has a different philosophy about when it's the best time to start telling others about the news: "i'm pregnant!"
the rule of thumb i adopted, and that worked best for my husband and i, was easy: would i feel comfortable telling this person if i have a miscarriage?
that narrowed my list down to a sizable set of people who were candidates to know about the pregnancy before week 12 (apparently the risks of miscarriage drop considerably once you get past the magic week 12 marker, and its ok to start telling whomever you want...).
of course - we had other reasons we had to factor in, as well. like family dynamics. i won't go into specifics, but due to the fact that one set of parents is divorced and remarried, it added complications into our bean-spilling rationale... so at the end of the day - we just decided to suck it up and tell no one! it was easiest that way.
ok that's not totally true. i actually broke down and told my mom around week 8, but mainly because the nausea had kicked in pretty hard at that point in time, and i was feeling REALLY SHITTY. i just needed someone to talk to! so i pulled rank and file with the husband and said that my mom gets to know.
mainly, i had an unfair situation in that i'm basically the first of all my close friends and sisters to get pregnant. i had no girlfriend to call up and talk to, to ease my fears or answer my questions or tell me everything would be fine. no one to laugh at my hormonal swings or tell me about getting vitamins or talk me through my irrational questions. for the first time in my adult life, my mom became my confidante... and it was really nice!
the things i learned - like the fact that we both hated the smell of coffee (the taste was still delicious) and craved potatoes.
like mother like daughter, i guess.
the moment i got my week 12 sonogram pictures, i told the world -- friends, family, etc. that was a fun day. although, since my husband and i clearly had known already for what seemed like FOREVER (ahh the innocent days when 12 weeks seemed long), it was a really weird day to realize that our "old news" was "new news" for everyone else.
STEP 3: TELLING WORK
ah, the tricky topic about when it's appropriate to tell the office... (assuming you work, like i do)?
again, it really REALLY depends on your relationship with your boss(es), co-workers, and your company overall.
some women never explicitly announce it -- they'll wait until they just start to show. i presume this is because their relationships at work may not be very strong or they have concerns about their job stability. it could also be that they know they'd get treated differently, not for the better. i'm sure there are a lot of reasons why a woman might wait and not tell.
others have to weigh in on the terms of their jobs - what kind of leave do they get, how long have they been there? what do they DO (is it physically demanding?), what big events are coming up? etc. and then decide if being pregnant is going to make any of that hard, impossible, or just complicated. if it is, i personally think you should let them know at an appropriate point in time (ie, not too late...) so they don't think you're leaving them out to dry. work with them to figure out a good plan to make everyone happy (you get your leave/can be pregnant/have a job to come back to, and they still get the work done while you're unable).
you should also take into account your relationship with your boss. i've always been fortunate enough to have VERY good relationships with my bosses, so sharing news about being pregnant would be nearly equivalent to telling a good friend. others may not have that luxury, so you might want to wait a little longer.
and i recommend looking into the state and federal laws that protect you around maternity leave, just so you can be familiar with them should (god forbid) your company try to pull something squirrely on you. and read up on your benefits package because some of them have contingencies (like you need to be employed for a full year before you get leave).
when you do decide to tell them, make your intentions very clear -- what is your long-term plan? how much time off do you need/plan to take? reassure them you will be coming back (assuming you will be coming back to work after - maybe you won't be). and propose some options about managing your leave, leading up to it, during it, and after you return.
if possible - turn it into a chance for career growth! and YES this is possible to do... here's the logic. you have to pass off all your work to someone else before you go on leave, anyways, right? well, usually if you've been in a job for a while, you have a long list of random little things you do that no one else can do or is willing to do (why should they when you do them so well?). these can often be things that hold you back from moving up the chain... so use this luxurious time TO SHED YOURSELF OF THOSE TASKS! teach them to someone who has to cover for you, and when you get BACK from leave -- don't resume doing them! let the new person continue that part of the job. likewise, for your main set of responsibilities -- train others to manage most of the tedium, and when you get back you should just resume doing the stuff you LIKE to do. and now you are also perfectly situated to take on a broader, higher-level role if you want it... maybe you could become those people's managers? etc. chew on the ideas, and talk to your own manager about how to make it work.
for me personally?
well, i had other things going on that made it necessary and timely to tell them about my news when i did (at 12 weeks).
like the fact that i was quitting and moving to a new city! i kind of just dropped a big stink bomb on them all at once, with about 4 weeks warning. that was fun. it worked smashingly.
but before that point in time - it was REALLY hard to keep my news a secret, mainly due the nausea that plagued me for a span of about 4 weeks. i went home early or worked from home about once a week during that span -- yet somehow, none of the engineers i work with figured it out. brilliant people, but being in-tune with a pregnant woman is not their forte. they all thought i was ill and that they were going to get ill too.
i reassured them it was impossible to get what i had... heh.
naps in the office, keeping snacks on hand, or sneaking away to nap in a nearby park (yes, like a bum) helped me squeak by those 4 weeks or so, undetected. turns out keeping secrets can be hard, but with some good planning and strategic choices, it's much easier than you might expect.
though - there was one special day where a huge lunch consisting of my one and only fast-food meal while pregnant (mmm mcdonald's hamburger, fries and a coke) "miraculously cured" my "flu" that i had that morning, and i opted to stick around the office and not go home like i'd said i was going to... that very specific instance raised the eyebrows of two engineers, but they still didn't put the pieces together. phew. close call!
the final chapter to my bean-spilling tale has to do with the NEW job, the one i started after we moved to the new city i mentioned. the tricky part here was that when they hired me, they didn't know i was pregnant. my interviews were really early on (week 4 i think?) and/or over the phone around week 10. the offer was made at week 11 & i accepted pretty quickly.
see the trend: this was all before my 12-week milestone when the iron wall of secrecy comes up... besides, its not something they needed to know.
by the time i started the job, however, i was at week 18. using the lame divide-by-four accounting method, this was when i was at four and a half months (four months if you look at a calendar). my point: it was right around the time a person starts to show. needless to say, there was much anxiety about getting to that office and starting my job before i was REALLY obvious... i banked on them not knowing me, and assuming i just like to eat donuts.
but turns out, the engineers at the new company are a LOT more in-tune with pregnant women. one of them guessed the day he met me. others within the week. in fact, everyone except my manager himself figured it out without me telling them!
were they mad? did they feel duped? annoyed i only had 5 months of work in me before disappearing for leave? NO!
yay! this new job is way better. and its busting at the seams with new babies or babies on the way. i'm just one of many women or spouses... what a freakin' relief!
9.15.2009
accounting
i don't understand the accounting used to track pregnancy.
did you know that they start counting week 1 at the START OF YOUR LAST PERIOD... yes, BEFORE YOU ARE PREGNANT!?
please tell me exactly - how does that work!? does this mean that technically since, oh, 7th grade when i first got my period as a pubescent teen, that i've been "pregnant" for 2 weeks every month?
according to this "method" - by the time you get to a point where you physically ARE pregnant (and its registering enough to show up in a test), you're already at 3 or 4 weeks. what!?
that's a full month of time you just denied to me! no fair!
here's where it really gets to be confusing... according to this lame accounting system, pregnancy is a TEN MONTH process. yes. 10 months. their "months" don't equal a normal person's months... but try explaining this to the world when they continually ask you how far along you are...
it gets very confusing. maybe not so much in the beginning (because you're counting up, which is easy to do: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 weeks. and, you're nicely dividing it all by 4 to get your months...). But, when you get somewhere in the middle, it stops adding up right. And then you can't keep it straight.
"16 weeks doesn't equal 4 months on the calendar... it's only 3.5!"
"2 months left but 8 months down!?"
it's a total racket. my advice?
- count up (using weeks) until you hit 16 weeks, then stop.
- just make it up when you reach the murky middle months... people don't really care that much -- they just ask you as a conversation point. give them rough estimates in months. it's all they need.
- start to count down again (using weeks) when you get to the last trimester, the END of the last trimester... as in, your last 6 weeks before your due date. at that point, you'll be anxiously awaiting labor and you'll want to know how much time you have left to enjoy your life as a non-parent, to get the house ready, etc. etc.
and my last piece of advice is that you should set up a digital calendar (an online google calendar or otherwise) that keeps track of it all for you... then you don't need to do the math over and over and over again... you can just log in and read it when you need it.
free your mind!
did you know that they start counting week 1 at the START OF YOUR LAST PERIOD... yes, BEFORE YOU ARE PREGNANT!?
please tell me exactly - how does that work!? does this mean that technically since, oh, 7th grade when i first got my period as a pubescent teen, that i've been "pregnant" for 2 weeks every month?
according to this "method" - by the time you get to a point where you physically ARE pregnant (and its registering enough to show up in a test), you're already at 3 or 4 weeks. what!?
that's a full month of time you just denied to me! no fair!
here's where it really gets to be confusing... according to this lame accounting system, pregnancy is a TEN MONTH process. yes. 10 months. their "months" don't equal a normal person's months... but try explaining this to the world when they continually ask you how far along you are...
it gets very confusing. maybe not so much in the beginning (because you're counting up, which is easy to do: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 weeks. and, you're nicely dividing it all by 4 to get your months...). But, when you get somewhere in the middle, it stops adding up right. And then you can't keep it straight.
"16 weeks doesn't equal 4 months on the calendar... it's only 3.5!"
"2 months left but 8 months down!?"
it's a total racket. my advice?
- count up (using weeks) until you hit 16 weeks, then stop.
- just make it up when you reach the murky middle months... people don't really care that much -- they just ask you as a conversation point. give them rough estimates in months. it's all they need.
- start to count down again (using weeks) when you get to the last trimester, the END of the last trimester... as in, your last 6 weeks before your due date. at that point, you'll be anxiously awaiting labor and you'll want to know how much time you have left to enjoy your life as a non-parent, to get the house ready, etc. etc.
and my last piece of advice is that you should set up a digital calendar (an online google calendar or otherwise) that keeps track of it all for you... then you don't need to do the math over and over and over again... you can just log in and read it when you need it.
free your mind!
peeing on a stick
all the shiny pink pregnancy test packages make it sound like it's SUPER EASY to tell if the stick you just pee'd on is showing a positive or negative result.
well, in reality, it's not always that easy to tell. don't think you're stupid... many of us have been there. sometimes, that second line is so faint that you aren't sure if it's really there or not... what does a FAINT line mean!? is that a line? does it count?
i think i spent a good hour on google trying to figure out my results when i took them that fateful morning back in january. some random chat room finally put my questions at ease.
the answer is yes. a second line -- ANY line, no matter how pale and pathetic and faint it might be -- is a positive test. if you see even the vaguest hint of a second line, wait a few days and take it again. or better yet, get on the phone with your doctor and set up an appointment to have them administer the test.
just don't get confused by the fact that the other line is huge and dark and bold. i swear they make them that way to purposely confuse the hell out of us already confused and emotionally strained women...
i bet some big guy in a suit sits in his office chuckling to himself at how funny it is to have all these doubtful ladies wondering what the hell the test results mean...
and the reason i'm so skeptical? at the end of the day, the chances that we BUY ANOTHER TEST goes through the roof if it's hard to read... of course they want us to buy a second one! those fuckers are EXPENSIVE!
grr.
(and thus, the first sliver of your paycheck slips away to the soon-to-be-child... the first of many more. get those pocketbooks ready!)
well, in reality, it's not always that easy to tell. don't think you're stupid... many of us have been there. sometimes, that second line is so faint that you aren't sure if it's really there or not... what does a FAINT line mean!? is that a line? does it count?
i think i spent a good hour on google trying to figure out my results when i took them that fateful morning back in january. some random chat room finally put my questions at ease.
the answer is yes. a second line -- ANY line, no matter how pale and pathetic and faint it might be -- is a positive test. if you see even the vaguest hint of a second line, wait a few days and take it again. or better yet, get on the phone with your doctor and set up an appointment to have them administer the test.
just don't get confused by the fact that the other line is huge and dark and bold. i swear they make them that way to purposely confuse the hell out of us already confused and emotionally strained women...
i bet some big guy in a suit sits in his office chuckling to himself at how funny it is to have all these doubtful ladies wondering what the hell the test results mean...
and the reason i'm so skeptical? at the end of the day, the chances that we BUY ANOTHER TEST goes through the roof if it's hard to read... of course they want us to buy a second one! those fuckers are EXPENSIVE!
grr.
(and thus, the first sliver of your paycheck slips away to the soon-to-be-child... the first of many more. get those pocketbooks ready!)
1 week to go... 38 weeks of things learned
38 weeks ago, my husband and i did the dirty deed, and nature ran it's course. a little sperm swam through my tubes, had a rendezvous with my fertile little egg, and started the insane process of creating a human.
cells divided.
organs formed.
brains waves started firing.
and without any help from either of us - we're now mere days from being first-time parents!
if there is one thing that's been fascinating about this first pass through the land of pregnancy, it's how much information you want to know and can't get. how many questions you start to ask, but don't find good answers for. about how many details people never bring up until AFTER you've already taken that little test and realize there is no turning back...
so i'm starting this blog to share some of the things i've learned. everyone has a different experience, but i want to share mine in hopes that maybe it will make someone else's first-time experience a little less scary. enjoy!
cells divided.
organs formed.
brains waves started firing.
and without any help from either of us - we're now mere days from being first-time parents!
if there is one thing that's been fascinating about this first pass through the land of pregnancy, it's how much information you want to know and can't get. how many questions you start to ask, but don't find good answers for. about how many details people never bring up until AFTER you've already taken that little test and realize there is no turning back...
so i'm starting this blog to share some of the things i've learned. everyone has a different experience, but i want to share mine in hopes that maybe it will make someone else's first-time experience a little less scary. enjoy!
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